A Heavy Heart

Have you ever wished someone knew how you felt? Maybe when you're sick or something like that? I know with me, after my most recent c-section, the day I came home I did a load of laundry. I wished my husband understood how much I didn't want to be doing that and would just do it. His idea of keeping the house clean and my idea are two different things. Not to mention when I make a list for him he kinda freaks out....and then complains about how much I want him to do. My response is generally this..."Someone has to do it and if you don't, who do you think will?" The answer of course is me. He does a ton to help so I'm not trying to discount that.....it's just seems to come in spurts. LOL! He works his butt off at work and on side jobs though so he gets a bit of a pass with other things. Anyway...

I had a virus recently and I told my husband if anyone is going to be sick it needed to be him. I can't be sick. I have 2 kiddos to take care of and I have a newborn that I nurse and HAVE to be around a ton. I can't be sick. Well, wouldn't ya know...he got sick within just a couple of days. Jeez!! I didn't mean to go get sick! Now, I have a very dear friend, one of the best friends a girl could ever ask for, that told me today that now she knows how I feel in regards to my baby being breech. Her baby is breech at 35 weeks and she is very much hoping for a natural, unmedicated birth. I wanted so bad to have an natural, unmedicated birth. I wanted it sooooo bad with Victoria but I wasn't as educated and went for an induction. I put my body in a situation it wasn't ready for and it didn't work. This time was going to be different. I had my heart so set on it this time. It broke my heart daily when she was still breech. I felt like my dreams were being ripped away and it was really hard. It's hard for anyone to understand the disappointment, pain, stress, etc. of that. When people were so light hearted about it I would get very upset....on the inside. People don't take you serious when you want a natural birth. Today, when I read that though, that she knew how I felt, I never wanted that. You want someone to know how you feel sometimes, but in order for them to feel that then they would have to have a lot of hurt and worry too. I remember wishing that people would stop telling me to just go for the c-section. I wished people could grasp how much I felt like I had no control. I wished someone understood. Now I wish I could take all that wishing back because I don't want that for anyone, but definitely not my sweet friend. I know she is having a very hard time with this so for the randoms that read my blog sporatically ...please make sure you remember my friend in your prayers. I know it seems trivial to a lot of people, but it's big to some.

Matter of fact....can you just remember all my closest friends in your prayers because although it's a very small group.....most are going through something really hard right now. It honestly breaks my heart. So...for 3 people that mean a lot to me (one of which is experiencing another heart ache I can relate to....that is actually why I started this blog)...prayers are definitely needed.