Lately I have been feeling a little lost in the clutter. I HATE clutter....almost as much as I hate the constant dust in my house. I don't keep anything....besides my baby stuff, so how do I have so much clutter?! Well....the problem is I get sick of looking at stuff so I just shuffle it around, stuff it in corners, etc. Well, no more! I feel so stressed because I feel so overwhelmed with stuff that needs to be done (like the dusting that never ends). I have decided that I'm going to follow Flylady's advice on a clean house. I've tried before but I've gotten lazy. Well, I'm going to give it another shot. I've shined my sink for a week now so I feel like I can tackle this:)
There's also this blog that I follow that I DROOL over. I'm going to start trying to do a little things here and there to get more organized. I hate spending money on storage solutions but I think it would be worth it to not go crazy all the time.
So, this is my challenge to you....dust and declutter your life. It could be your house or it could be your personal life. I just know that now that I'm more back to normal in the cleaning, cooking, and running Victoria all over the world I tend to get overwhelmed because I let things go, get behind, and can't find things like ballet shoes in the clutter. It causes me to get stressed and I don't want to be stressed. When I get stressed I'm more easily aggrivated and tend to just give up because I feel like nothing I do helps (which in turn creates more mess and stress). Part of a cleaner me is a cleaner house:)
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Monday, January 30, 2012
Getting in Shape - The Beginning
OH MY WORD!!!! So, my clothes fit a little better and I'm not feeling so gross about my body. Well......that all went down the drain super quick after I looked at these pictures. Usually I don't have the best self-image but I don't really have a reason to not. Now I do. So the goals are:
1. Work on my arms so they are better defined.
2. Get my butt back up to where it is supposed to be and much smaller
3. Get the thighs to stop touching.
4. Get my abs back.
5. Lose 5 lbs. per month until I am at least back to 144
Ok...it is really hard for me to share these pictures, but I am hoping that it will help keep me motivated. They are scary...let me just go ahead and warn you of that. This is me sporting a sports bra and a bikini bottom. I will post pictures again next month. I think it would be a bit overkill to do it weekly. I don't know that weight is the big thing I am going for....mainly I want everything to be tighter and muscle weighs more than fat. I weighed 158 when I got pregnant with Victoria, was 161 4 wks. post-partum with her, and eventually ended up being around 140...135 at my lowest. I was 144 when I got pregnant this time though so I would like to get back to that. I will try to defend myself a little....the hubs took these pictures after I ran and I tend to be more marshmallowy then.
This is kind of a before....this is 7 weeks preggo and so you can see it was a lot different then!
I think I look like I did around 13-16 wks. pregnant right now. GREAT!! I ran 4 miles yesterday and walked 1.25. I can plank for 1 min. I can do 3 sets of 15 lunges with 10 lbs. weights....same with squats. I can do a whopping 10 push-ups and 35 crunches and 15 bicycle crunches. I am still not eating the best but I'm doing better. Not so many sweets, I am getting in at least 1 serving of veggies and 1 serving of fruits a day. I am training to run a half marathon on April 1st and I follow Hal Higgdon's training schedule. I followed it for the marathon training I did and it worked well so I'm back to it. I want to run the Knoxville Half. My goal is to run it in 2 hrs. 20 min. I generally shoot for 10 min. miles but seeing as I had a c/s and it left just enough time after my 6 week healing time to train...I will cut myself a little slack. To tell the truth I don't care if it takes 4 hours as long as I get things toned up A LOT!
ETA: I planning on doing this workout this month. I was going to try to do this one as well but it was totally not happening...even the easy was not happening.....I did have a c/s though so maybe you'll have better luck. I want to do other ab workouts and be able to get back to this next month. I plan on drinking a glass of lemon water twice a day every day, at least 8 glasses of regular ice water, and a cup of decaf green tea every day. Water and green tea are miracle workers....just drink it:)
1. Work on my arms so they are better defined.
2. Get my butt back up to where it is supposed to be and much smaller
3. Get the thighs to stop touching.
4. Get my abs back.
5. Lose 5 lbs. per month until I am at least back to 144
Ok...it is really hard for me to share these pictures, but I am hoping that it will help keep me motivated. They are scary...let me just go ahead and warn you of that. This is me sporting a sports bra and a bikini bottom. I will post pictures again next month. I think it would be a bit overkill to do it weekly. I don't know that weight is the big thing I am going for....mainly I want everything to be tighter and muscle weighs more than fat. I weighed 158 when I got pregnant with Victoria, was 161 4 wks. post-partum with her, and eventually ended up being around 140...135 at my lowest. I was 144 when I got pregnant this time though so I would like to get back to that. I will try to defend myself a little....the hubs took these pictures after I ran and I tend to be more marshmallowy then.
This is kind of a before....this is 7 weeks preggo and so you can see it was a lot different then!
I think I look like I did around 13-16 wks. pregnant right now. GREAT!! I ran 4 miles yesterday and walked 1.25. I can plank for 1 min. I can do 3 sets of 15 lunges with 10 lbs. weights....same with squats. I can do a whopping 10 push-ups and 35 crunches and 15 bicycle crunches. I am still not eating the best but I'm doing better. Not so many sweets, I am getting in at least 1 serving of veggies and 1 serving of fruits a day. I am training to run a half marathon on April 1st and I follow Hal Higgdon's training schedule. I followed it for the marathon training I did and it worked well so I'm back to it. I want to run the Knoxville Half. My goal is to run it in 2 hrs. 20 min. I generally shoot for 10 min. miles but seeing as I had a c/s and it left just enough time after my 6 week healing time to train...I will cut myself a little slack. To tell the truth I don't care if it takes 4 hours as long as I get things toned up A LOT!
ETA: I planning on doing this workout this month. I was going to try to do this one as well but it was totally not happening...even the easy was not happening.....I did have a c/s though so maybe you'll have better luck. I want to do other ab workouts and be able to get back to this next month. I plan on drinking a glass of lemon water twice a day every day, at least 8 glasses of regular ice water, and a cup of decaf green tea every day. Water and green tea are miracle workers....just drink it:)
Book Study 1
I have no idea how to creatively name these posts. Right now they will be numbers but maybe with the next book I will come up with something different. I am completely open to suggestions. So, I am going to start with Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World by Joanna Weaver. I have done the study before, but it has been over 4 years so I think I need to revist it. I haven't started reading yet. I just wanted to put out there what I'm going to read just in case anyone wanted to read it with me:) I am going to read a chapter a week so at that rate....we're looking at around April that it will be finished.
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
A cleaner me
I'm late for the whole resolution thing...I didn't plan on making any BUT.....I'm wanting to live cleaner. I want cleaner food....I'm over being addicted to sweet and you really do become addicted to sugars. We are heading into spring and I am hoping this year I can talk the hubs into a garden. I want fresh from the garden veggies, less meat (actually thinking about cutting it out...wonder how long it will take the hubs to realize I've done that), less dairy, more fruit, less sweets. This is my goal. I wannt to work out more and harder but I'm currently doing a good job getting started with that. I want greener cleaning products and a more organized home. This is the new direction of the blog. I'm going to share what I learn and what I'm doing. I'm going to show some before and after during fitness pictures (EEEK!!!). I will still share the crazy antics of my little girl(s) and the journey of parenthood, school, future career, and in like 2-3 years.....the journey of TTC again....for the last time.
Anyway....just wanted to give you a heads up:) I'll start the fitness posts and they will be on Saturdays. They will have pics, weight, and what I'm doing. I want a closer relationship with God so I'm going to talk about that on Sundays. I am going to do a post (hopefully) on my garden plans very soon and will post updates on how that is going. The girls will make a monthly appearance on the blog as well. Yay for this new direction!
Anyway....just wanted to give you a heads up:) I'll start the fitness posts and they will be on Saturdays. They will have pics, weight, and what I'm doing. I want a closer relationship with God so I'm going to talk about that on Sundays. I am going to do a post (hopefully) on my garden plans very soon and will post updates on how that is going. The girls will make a monthly appearance on the blog as well. Yay for this new direction!
It's not broccoli, it's peas
This is one of the many, and boy do I mean MANY, absurd arguements I have found myself in lately. The hubs is out of town for a couple of days so I'm going it alone. I have a new found respect for single moms. I was trying to get the kid I watch out the door, get supper ready, get the babies fed, and get Victoria to dance and I was seriously losing the battle. Emily decided she just wanted to live on the boob. I'm just going to start attaching that child to me every day with the Moby.....I could use the extra snuggles too. Anywho...I made pasta with cheese and veggies. V LOVES pasta....not so much the veggies anymore. She REFUSED to eat. Are you seriuos kiddo?!? This is our convo:
V: I don't like it.
Me: Try it. you love pasta.
V: It has broccoli.
Me: No it doesn't. Those are peas. (It did have broccoli but not her bowl)
V: No, that's broccoli. It's gross. (Where did she even learn that!)
Me: Broccoli looks like bushes. Those look like balls. That means it's peas, not broccoli.
V: Yes it does have broccoli.
Me: UGH!!! EAT YOUR DANGED PASTA!!
V: I want spaghetti.
Me: We're leaving for dance.....go get your stuff.
Major fail. I just give up most of the time these days. I mean let me just go ahead and tell you that you cannot reason with a 2 year old. She's always right.....I didn't think that happenned until like 9, but I was very much mistaken. She'll be 3 in 3 wks. and these pointless arguements are just getting started.....Once again, I forsee this parenting thing as just getting harder every year.....I'm going to go with more rewarding every year as well....like when she talks about how much she loves Jesus and thanks God for God when she says her prayers:)
V: I don't like it.
Me: Try it. you love pasta.
V: It has broccoli.
Me: No it doesn't. Those are peas. (It did have broccoli but not her bowl)
V: No, that's broccoli. It's gross. (Where did she even learn that!)
Me: Broccoli looks like bushes. Those look like balls. That means it's peas, not broccoli.
V: Yes it does have broccoli.
Me: UGH!!! EAT YOUR DANGED PASTA!!
V: I want spaghetti.
Me: We're leaving for dance.....go get your stuff.
Major fail. I just give up most of the time these days. I mean let me just go ahead and tell you that you cannot reason with a 2 year old. She's always right.....I didn't think that happenned until like 9, but I was very much mistaken. She'll be 3 in 3 wks. and these pointless arguements are just getting started.....Once again, I forsee this parenting thing as just getting harder every year.....I'm going to go with more rewarding every year as well....like when she talks about how much she loves Jesus and thanks God for God when she says her prayers:)
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Baby Weight Update and why I Blog
Ugh...so I'm doing this update because I said I would, but I'm not lovin' it. There for a little while when I first started walking I was losing a pound a day. It was wonderful!! Then...not sure what happenned...it went back up. I seem to be stuck between 157-159 which is 13-15 lbs. left. I will say that I am now running and can run 3 miles...I'm going for 4 tomorrow. I'm pretty stoked about that! Yesterday was the first time I was able to run through my side cramps which after the 3rd I felt like I could run forever...minus the jelly legs. LOL! I love running again though and so that's a step in the right direction. Me and the scale are no longer friends. Seriously though I am happy that my clothes do fit a bit different and I can run again. Being in shape is the best motivator and the rest will come.
On a different note, I was trying to figure out why I blog. This is basically my journal...I like to look back on it. Other than that though there are a couple of readers and it's usually a woman struggling to get pregnant and I love that they can come here and not feel alone. I also just want to share the realness of life. There is no manual on how to be a good mother, wife, student, sister, daughter, etc. I just want to share my journey so maybe someone out there going through anything like I am can laugh, cry, be mad.....whatever with me. I know there are people that can relate to what I go through....because it's life. I like sharing my loves (God,my babies, cloth diapering)and my hates (baby weight LOL!).
On a different note, I was trying to figure out why I blog. This is basically my journal...I like to look back on it. Other than that though there are a couple of readers and it's usually a woman struggling to get pregnant and I love that they can come here and not feel alone. I also just want to share the realness of life. There is no manual on how to be a good mother, wife, student, sister, daughter, etc. I just want to share my journey so maybe someone out there going through anything like I am can laugh, cry, be mad.....whatever with me. I know there are people that can relate to what I go through....because it's life. I like sharing my loves (God,my babies, cloth diapering)and my hates (baby weight LOL!).
Saturday, January 21, 2012
What's in a name?
So, my sweet Victoria has decided she wants to be called Rose. Seriously?!? Her name is Victoria Rose and she gets called that a ton I must admit, but she gets called Victoria more. I don't know where this is coming from. If you ask her what her name is she will tell you Rose. She's been doing this for awhile so I finally asked her if she liked Rose better and she said yes, then she said, "I just, I just, I like Rose better." I'm dying here!!! Isn't she way too young to be giving me this crap? I like Rose...of course I do, or I wouldn't have made that her middle name. I like it better with Victoria though than as a stand alone name. I mean I think of the Golden Girls when I hear Rose as a stand alone name.
I told the hubs that she was breaking my heart and that I might just cry. He didn't understand. I called her Victoria in utero, she was Victoria when I first met her face to face, she was Victoria when she first smiled, Victoria was the name she recognized first, Victoria is the name I cheer on when she reaches her milestones.....I don't even know Rose for goodness sakes! I called one of my besties and my Mom to figure out....Do I call her Rose? I don't want to squash her independence and creativeness. Everyone is saying just call her Victoria though so my response the last time she said she liked Rose better was, "Too bad, so sad little lady. Your name is Victoria so that is what Mommy is going to call you."
I'm hoping that she is just doing this because Victoria is a bit hard for her and her friends to say. Apparently it's kinda normal though to want to be called something else? A lot of my friends have started telling me what they wanted to be called growing up....I don't remember doing this so it's a little odd to me. Apparently it's a girl thing though.....and I was not very girly. Here's hoping that Nona can convince her that she likes Victoria better.
I told the hubs that she was breaking my heart and that I might just cry. He didn't understand. I called her Victoria in utero, she was Victoria when I first met her face to face, she was Victoria when she first smiled, Victoria was the name she recognized first, Victoria is the name I cheer on when she reaches her milestones.....I don't even know Rose for goodness sakes! I called one of my besties and my Mom to figure out....Do I call her Rose? I don't want to squash her independence and creativeness. Everyone is saying just call her Victoria though so my response the last time she said she liked Rose better was, "Too bad, so sad little lady. Your name is Victoria so that is what Mommy is going to call you."
I'm hoping that she is just doing this because Victoria is a bit hard for her and her friends to say. Apparently it's kinda normal though to want to be called something else? A lot of my friends have started telling me what they wanted to be called growing up....I don't remember doing this so it's a little odd to me. Apparently it's a girl thing though.....and I was not very girly. Here's hoping that Nona can convince her that she likes Victoria better.
Friday, January 20, 2012
Nuts!
Crap!! My little Victoria has a food allergy....I have none so this is going to be a bit difficult. The hubs is allergic to shell fish...he likes to ignore it on a regular basis. He eats like 2 shrimp from time to time. Sooo....I'm going to blame him for V having a food allergy. LOL!
Anywho....V's allergic to pecans and walnuts. Those are my FAVES!!! I don't even think about foods having nuts it's so normal to me. She has an appointment with the allergist on Feb. 7th and it is supposed to take 2-3 hours!!! Holy cow! Her allergist also cares for 2 of her cousins and he was related to my great-aunt so I'm feeling pretty good about that. I'm a nervous wreck about her getting a hold of nuts now. Hubs and I have just decided to go with telling everyone she is allergic to nuts.....and if they see her eating peanut butter they can just scratch their heads. I'm guessing this nut allergy stuff will be making a regular appearance in the blog from now on.
Anywho....V's allergic to pecans and walnuts. Those are my FAVES!!! I don't even think about foods having nuts it's so normal to me. She has an appointment with the allergist on Feb. 7th and it is supposed to take 2-3 hours!!! Holy cow! Her allergist also cares for 2 of her cousins and he was related to my great-aunt so I'm feeling pretty good about that. I'm a nervous wreck about her getting a hold of nuts now. Hubs and I have just decided to go with telling everyone she is allergic to nuts.....and if they see her eating peanut butter they can just scratch their heads. I'm guessing this nut allergy stuff will be making a regular appearance in the blog from now on.
Friday, January 6, 2012
Cloth Wipes....Oh how I LOVE you!
With V I didn't use cloth wipes. I actually don't even remember why I decided to use cloth diapers....I think it was to save money though. Plus, I like the idea of getting back to basics. As I have said, I wanted a natural birth, I like cloth diapers, I made Victoria's baby food, I'm all about breastfeeding (V did until she was 20 months).....this is how my great-grandmother did things, and I think more simple is better.
When I first took the plunge into cloth diapers I didn't expect much. I didn't want to spend a lot of money since I didn't know if it would work for me. I took my plain ol' Gerber flats, took to Youtube to find out how to fold them, and used those. I also got the "premium" prefolds from Baby Best Buy and some basic Dappi Covers. I would not recommend either of these really now that I know what I know about cloth. Anyway....I fully expected leaks and bulk going into it, so when that happened it didn't bother me. It happened less than expected so I was down with cloth. I found out there was a lot better but I didn't want to sink a lot of money...well more money...into one size diaper when I kept expecting V to grow into the next size....which she didn't so I just went ahead and invested in better diapers....and fell in love! Cloth wipes didn't occur to me for a lont time to tell the truth. Then I read that a lot of people used those cheapo baby wash cloths from like Wal-Mart....so that's what I did since I had some of those. I HATED it! How could I hate them so much and love cloth diapers? They were so thin and ineffective.
With Emily I started buying cloth as soon as I found out I was pregnant (I was preparing for another tiny, slow grower) and I decided to try cloth wipes again. I did some resear and got these
This is not my picture....it is Nate's Mommy Made It!'s picture from her Etsy shop. I ADORE these wipes! I got the 40. I probably could have used less, but I'm glad I got the 40. I keep around 5 in my diaper bag, I put all the black and blue ones in the bathroom for wash cloths, and the rest are for my wipe warmer in Emily's room. I have plenty for the warmer, back up, and still have them in the diaper pail. She includes a wipe solution too:) I actually looked up some more through Google and you can find a ton that way. The one I'm going to stick with because it seems to work the best for me is the Chammomile Tea and honey solution. These wipes are thick enough to be able to really scrub at something. They are also super soft! I haven't tried any other brands or fabrics so I can't compare but these are very effective and cost efficient. They are also pretty! I probably should have got gender neutral but I didn't....I guess if I have another kiddo and it's a boy he'll have girly wipes. Oh well:)
This is going to gross some people out but I don't generally wipe pee only. Google it though and it's not out of the norm. With Emily, almost every diaper has poop so she is definitely getting wiped enough. Now, as a baby gets older if they have completely soaked diaper I will wipe, but I don't like for my kiddos to get that wet. I change diapers frequently. This is how I am fine with only 5 wipes in my travel case though. I know that will cover me for my errands and such. I don't generally have to refill my case every time I go out but if I do that doesn't bother me.
I LOVE my cloth wipes! I will never go back to using disposables as my main source of wipes ever again. I have a pack of 72 that I keep in my bedroom for night time changes but that's it. I also use disposable diapers at night. That whole set up while baby is in my room is easier for me. I don't like having cloth in different rooms because it gets annoying for me. Anywho....if you are considering cloth wipes....GO FOR IT!!! You'll love them:)
When I first took the plunge into cloth diapers I didn't expect much. I didn't want to spend a lot of money since I didn't know if it would work for me. I took my plain ol' Gerber flats, took to Youtube to find out how to fold them, and used those. I also got the "premium" prefolds from Baby Best Buy and some basic Dappi Covers. I would not recommend either of these really now that I know what I know about cloth. Anyway....I fully expected leaks and bulk going into it, so when that happened it didn't bother me. It happened less than expected so I was down with cloth. I found out there was a lot better but I didn't want to sink a lot of money...well more money...into one size diaper when I kept expecting V to grow into the next size....which she didn't so I just went ahead and invested in better diapers....and fell in love! Cloth wipes didn't occur to me for a lont time to tell the truth. Then I read that a lot of people used those cheapo baby wash cloths from like Wal-Mart....so that's what I did since I had some of those. I HATED it! How could I hate them so much and love cloth diapers? They were so thin and ineffective.
With Emily I started buying cloth as soon as I found out I was pregnant (I was preparing for another tiny, slow grower) and I decided to try cloth wipes again. I did some resear and got these
This is not my picture....it is Nate's Mommy Made It!'s picture from her Etsy shop. I ADORE these wipes! I got the 40. I probably could have used less, but I'm glad I got the 40. I keep around 5 in my diaper bag, I put all the black and blue ones in the bathroom for wash cloths, and the rest are for my wipe warmer in Emily's room. I have plenty for the warmer, back up, and still have them in the diaper pail. She includes a wipe solution too:) I actually looked up some more through Google and you can find a ton that way. The one I'm going to stick with because it seems to work the best for me is the Chammomile Tea and honey solution. These wipes are thick enough to be able to really scrub at something. They are also super soft! I haven't tried any other brands or fabrics so I can't compare but these are very effective and cost efficient. They are also pretty! I probably should have got gender neutral but I didn't....I guess if I have another kiddo and it's a boy he'll have girly wipes. Oh well:)
This is going to gross some people out but I don't generally wipe pee only. Google it though and it's not out of the norm. With Emily, almost every diaper has poop so she is definitely getting wiped enough. Now, as a baby gets older if they have completely soaked diaper I will wipe, but I don't like for my kiddos to get that wet. I change diapers frequently. This is how I am fine with only 5 wipes in my travel case though. I know that will cover me for my errands and such. I don't generally have to refill my case every time I go out but if I do that doesn't bother me.
I LOVE my cloth wipes! I will never go back to using disposables as my main source of wipes ever again. I have a pack of 72 that I keep in my bedroom for night time changes but that's it. I also use disposable diapers at night. That whole set up while baby is in my room is easier for me. I don't like having cloth in different rooms because it gets annoying for me. Anywho....if you are considering cloth wipes....GO FOR IT!!! You'll love them:)
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
A Heavy Heart
Have you ever wished someone knew how you felt? Maybe when you're sick or something like that? I know with me, after my most recent c-section, the day I came home I did a load of laundry. I wished my husband understood how much I didn't want to be doing that and would just do it. His idea of keeping the house clean and my idea are two different things. Not to mention when I make a list for him he kinda freaks out....and then complains about how much I want him to do. My response is generally this..."Someone has to do it and if you don't, who do you think will?" The answer of course is me. He does a ton to help so I'm not trying to discount that.....it's just seems to come in spurts. LOL! He works his butt off at work and on side jobs though so he gets a bit of a pass with other things. Anyway...
I had a virus recently and I told my husband if anyone is going to be sick it needed to be him. I can't be sick. I have 2 kiddos to take care of and I have a newborn that I nurse and HAVE to be around a ton. I can't be sick. Well, wouldn't ya know...he got sick within just a couple of days. Jeez!! I didn't mean to go get sick! Now, I have a very dear friend, one of the best friends a girl could ever ask for, that told me today that now she knows how I feel in regards to my baby being breech. Her baby is breech at 35 weeks and she is very much hoping for a natural, unmedicated birth. I wanted so bad to have an natural, unmedicated birth. I wanted it sooooo bad with Victoria but I wasn't as educated and went for an induction. I put my body in a situation it wasn't ready for and it didn't work. This time was going to be different. I had my heart so set on it this time. It broke my heart daily when she was still breech. I felt like my dreams were being ripped away and it was really hard. It's hard for anyone to understand the disappointment, pain, stress, etc. of that. When people were so light hearted about it I would get very upset....on the inside. People don't take you serious when you want a natural birth. Today, when I read that though, that she knew how I felt, I never wanted that. You want someone to know how you feel sometimes, but in order for them to feel that then they would have to have a lot of hurt and worry too. I remember wishing that people would stop telling me to just go for the c-section. I wished people could grasp how much I felt like I had no control. I wished someone understood. Now I wish I could take all that wishing back because I don't want that for anyone, but definitely not my sweet friend. I know she is having a very hard time with this so for the randoms that read my blog sporatically ...please make sure you remember my friend in your prayers. I know it seems trivial to a lot of people, but it's big to some.
Matter of fact....can you just remember all my closest friends in your prayers because although it's a very small group.....most are going through something really hard right now. It honestly breaks my heart. So...for 3 people that mean a lot to me (one of which is experiencing another heart ache I can relate to....that is actually why I started this blog)...prayers are definitely needed.
I had a virus recently and I told my husband if anyone is going to be sick it needed to be him. I can't be sick. I have 2 kiddos to take care of and I have a newborn that I nurse and HAVE to be around a ton. I can't be sick. Well, wouldn't ya know...he got sick within just a couple of days. Jeez!! I didn't mean to go get sick! Now, I have a very dear friend, one of the best friends a girl could ever ask for, that told me today that now she knows how I feel in regards to my baby being breech. Her baby is breech at 35 weeks and she is very much hoping for a natural, unmedicated birth. I wanted so bad to have an natural, unmedicated birth. I wanted it sooooo bad with Victoria but I wasn't as educated and went for an induction. I put my body in a situation it wasn't ready for and it didn't work. This time was going to be different. I had my heart so set on it this time. It broke my heart daily when she was still breech. I felt like my dreams were being ripped away and it was really hard. It's hard for anyone to understand the disappointment, pain, stress, etc. of that. When people were so light hearted about it I would get very upset....on the inside. People don't take you serious when you want a natural birth. Today, when I read that though, that she knew how I felt, I never wanted that. You want someone to know how you feel sometimes, but in order for them to feel that then they would have to have a lot of hurt and worry too. I remember wishing that people would stop telling me to just go for the c-section. I wished people could grasp how much I felt like I had no control. I wished someone understood. Now I wish I could take all that wishing back because I don't want that for anyone, but definitely not my sweet friend. I know she is having a very hard time with this so for the randoms that read my blog sporatically ...please make sure you remember my friend in your prayers. I know it seems trivial to a lot of people, but it's big to some.
Matter of fact....can you just remember all my closest friends in your prayers because although it's a very small group.....most are going through something really hard right now. It honestly breaks my heart. So...for 3 people that mean a lot to me (one of which is experiencing another heart ache I can relate to....that is actually why I started this blog)...prayers are definitely needed.
Snow and Doctor Day
Last night it started snowing!!! Not our "first snow" really this winter but the first that stuck. I was kind of sad last night when it was sticking and my little Victoria was asleep. It stuck around though and this morning I was awakened to a little girl running in my room yelling "There's snow all over the place!!!!" She was even surprised that there was snow in the back yard as well as the front. Snow makes me feel all giddy inside. I LOVE the stuff!!! I want it to blizzard every time it snows. I just don't want to drive in it. I want to eat it in the form of snowcream. Well....today of course, the girls had doctor appointments. That is my luck....scratch that...I used to have luck but the hubs has none and it wears off on me sometimes which is really not fair. Anywho....he and I talked last night about me not taking them, but since it was a dry snow I figured I would put the SUV in auto 4-wheel (even though that was completely not necessary) and go for it. Imagine my surprise when I backed out this morning and realized our road was a little slick and icy. Hubs was in trouble for not telling me. He just laughed and said if had told me I wouldn't have taken them and we both feel like Victoria really needed to go since she has developed a tree nut allergy.
Well, Miss V wouldn't stop telling me she wanted to play in it. It was 8 and the appointment was at 9:15 so that was not an option. We finally got loaded up and found our way to the doctors. Miss V has grown 4" this year! She is now 39.75" and 32.5 lbs. They took 4....that's right 4 vials of blood to check for the tree nut allergy. Victoria said "Ow" when they stuck her but that was it. She enjoyed watching the blood come out (ewwww). Miss Emily has grown almost 2 full inches since birth!!! That is just CRAZINESS!!!!! She is now 21.75" (.25" longer than V at the same age even though E was an inch smaller at birth) and weighs in at 8 lbs. 12 oz. (almost a pound gained from birth.....my kids don't gain a lot of weight the first year). So that was that. I'm not looking forward to the next appointment....then I get to start my vaccine battle. I'm not really "against" them per se, but I like to space them and I'm not a fan of all of them.
Anway.....I had told V that she would get a special treat so we went to Starbucks right next door (not at all for me) to get her a cake pop. Because I am the worst mother on the face of the planet I got my poor kiddo with nut allergies a Rocky Road one (they were out of birthday cake). She takes it out of the bag and says "It has nuts on it!" Jeez...are you serious?!?! I really have to adjust my whole way of thinking. I was just thinking oh chocolate...she'll like that. Nope....pecans all over the outside and inside. I apologized, told her what a fantastic little girl she was for telling me it had nuts, and went one exit down to another S*bucks to get her the birthday cake pop which she loved.
When we got home she finally got to play in the snow! She paused on the way out to say she couldn't play in the snow because she didn't have her mittens. She's very particular. Of course I planned on putting them on her but it amuses me she's so on top of things.
She was pretty happy about it and wanted to drive her new 4-wheeler in the snow (because that's what we do round these parts! LOL!), but alas....the Powerwheels 4-wheeler couldn't handle the snow so I let her drive it in the road...which never happens. Today has been a great day and it's only lunch time! I love a good snow day:)
Well, Miss V wouldn't stop telling me she wanted to play in it. It was 8 and the appointment was at 9:15 so that was not an option. We finally got loaded up and found our way to the doctors. Miss V has grown 4" this year! She is now 39.75" and 32.5 lbs. They took 4....that's right 4 vials of blood to check for the tree nut allergy. Victoria said "Ow" when they stuck her but that was it. She enjoyed watching the blood come out (ewwww). Miss Emily has grown almost 2 full inches since birth!!! That is just CRAZINESS!!!!! She is now 21.75" (.25" longer than V at the same age even though E was an inch smaller at birth) and weighs in at 8 lbs. 12 oz. (almost a pound gained from birth.....my kids don't gain a lot of weight the first year). So that was that. I'm not looking forward to the next appointment....then I get to start my vaccine battle. I'm not really "against" them per se, but I like to space them and I'm not a fan of all of them.
Anway.....I had told V that she would get a special treat so we went to Starbucks right next door (not at all for me) to get her a cake pop. Because I am the worst mother on the face of the planet I got my poor kiddo with nut allergies a Rocky Road one (they were out of birthday cake). She takes it out of the bag and says "It has nuts on it!" Jeez...are you serious?!?! I really have to adjust my whole way of thinking. I was just thinking oh chocolate...she'll like that. Nope....pecans all over the outside and inside. I apologized, told her what a fantastic little girl she was for telling me it had nuts, and went one exit down to another S*bucks to get her the birthday cake pop which she loved.
When we got home she finally got to play in the snow! She paused on the way out to say she couldn't play in the snow because she didn't have her mittens. She's very particular. Of course I planned on putting them on her but it amuses me she's so on top of things.
She was pretty happy about it and wanted to drive her new 4-wheeler in the snow (because that's what we do round these parts! LOL!), but alas....the Powerwheels 4-wheeler couldn't handle the snow so I let her drive it in the road...which never happens. Today has been a great day and it's only lunch time! I love a good snow day:)
Monday, January 2, 2012
Baby Blues
With Miss Victoria I had the baby blues. This is different than post-partum depression. I was sure it was PPD though! I kept telling the hubs what I was feeling was not normal at all. He was very supportive though and just kept telling me it was, and it was okay, and the doctor had said I might feel this way for the first 2-3 weeks. It did slip away without me even really noticing around 3 weeks.
Before it went away though I would sit on my bed and hold my precious bundle of joy and bawl my eyes out. I was fine during the day, but at night when I was settling down to go to bed, after I nursed I would hold little Victoria and look at her and wonder how the heck I was going to keep her safe. How the heck was I going to make sure she didn't make the same mistakes I did? I just had no clue how I was going to make sure she turned out ok. I also had no clue how I was going to keep her little forever. I settled for making her promise me to never grow up. She totally lied to me by the way because she is growing up for sure!
Anyway.....I forgot about the baby blues. That's how fleeting they were. Then I started reading how other mommies were going through them on my birth board. CRAP! Once I remembered them I just started to dread them. I did not want to go through that again that is for sure! Good news.....I didn't!!! I just didn't have time to sit and worry. I see how wonderful Victoria is doing and how much she loves Jesus and church and I know I am doing something right. Plus, generally my night goes like this....bath time, nurse Emily and put her to sleep for a solid 4 hours, lay down with Victoria to put her to sleep and I go to sleep too. I don't mean to go to sleep.....it just happens. I am busy and get exhausted without even realizing it. I'm going to not fret about Miss Emily though because Victoria is doing so well and hopefully Emily will be happy and love Jesus just as much....and she has a kickin' role model in her big sister. I will say I had like a week where I cried very easily, but it was just that. I would cry and not know why other than knowing my hormones were just being crazy, but I wasn't sad, worried, or stressed.
I just want other mommies that may be going through the baby blues to know that they do get better and you are going to be a fantastic mommy so keep telling yourself that. The baby blues will be gone before you know it and they are very normal. Also....for 2nd time mommies that had baby blues....try to not worry about getting them this time. You may, but you may also be way to busy.
Before it went away though I would sit on my bed and hold my precious bundle of joy and bawl my eyes out. I was fine during the day, but at night when I was settling down to go to bed, after I nursed I would hold little Victoria and look at her and wonder how the heck I was going to keep her safe. How the heck was I going to make sure she didn't make the same mistakes I did? I just had no clue how I was going to make sure she turned out ok. I also had no clue how I was going to keep her little forever. I settled for making her promise me to never grow up. She totally lied to me by the way because she is growing up for sure!
Anyway.....I forgot about the baby blues. That's how fleeting they were. Then I started reading how other mommies were going through them on my birth board. CRAP! Once I remembered them I just started to dread them. I did not want to go through that again that is for sure! Good news.....I didn't!!! I just didn't have time to sit and worry. I see how wonderful Victoria is doing and how much she loves Jesus and church and I know I am doing something right. Plus, generally my night goes like this....bath time, nurse Emily and put her to sleep for a solid 4 hours, lay down with Victoria to put her to sleep and I go to sleep too. I don't mean to go to sleep.....it just happens. I am busy and get exhausted without even realizing it. I'm going to not fret about Miss Emily though because Victoria is doing so well and hopefully Emily will be happy and love Jesus just as much....and she has a kickin' role model in her big sister. I will say I had like a week where I cried very easily, but it was just that. I would cry and not know why other than knowing my hormones were just being crazy, but I wasn't sad, worried, or stressed.
I just want other mommies that may be going through the baby blues to know that they do get better and you are going to be a fantastic mommy so keep telling yourself that. The baby blues will be gone before you know it and they are very normal. Also....for 2nd time mommies that had baby blues....try to not worry about getting them this time. You may, but you may also be way to busy.
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