Bye....for now.

I had a fabulous and yet scary family vacation this summer that I had all intentions of blogging about. I feel it's probably too late now though. We lost Victoria.....twice. I planned on trying to make other moms feel better about their uh-oh moments from this but never got around to blogging our vacay. Now that I've mentioned it....I will explain briefly. The first night we were there (the beach...in the same condo as last year)...the hubs went to the resort bar as per his tradition. I finished unpacking, gave the girls a bath, and put them to be in their bunk beds. Hubs came back and couldn't get the deadbolt to lock. He didn't want to wake the girls (bunk beds were a redone hall closet) by fighting with it so he locked the handle and called it good. We went onto the balcony to listen to the waves crash. Later hubs went inside and the phone rang. They had a missing girl with the last name Lewis....Amanda Lewis. The pizza delivery girl had run into her (there is a pizza place for the resort). Hubs said no we don't have an Amanda. About 20 min. later we got another call...hubs checked the beds and Victoria was gone. It was our Victoria that had slept walk for the first time ever. We were less than 150 yards from the beach. We were on the first floor. If she would have walked down that boardwalk we probably would have never seen her again. That pizza lady saved her life. Victoria blames it on Tinkerbell. I don't think we're bad parents. I think this could have happened to anyone. Next time was after I sent her down the boardwalk. We did this the day before and it worked fabulously. Emily was just waking up and Victoria was in swimsuit and sunscreen ready. I walked her down the hall after talking with hubs (who was one the beach) and told her to just walk down the boardwalk and Daddy will be waiting for you. He was. I went back in with Ems and got her ready....me ready...snacks ready....and headed to the beach. The next day however a rainstorm popped up right when V was walking down the boardwalk. About 2 min. after being back in the condo I get a text that says hubs is still with the tent....I had a heart attack and said she was already out there. I went out and about halfway down the boardwalk I see hubs running towards me....then he ran back towards the beach. Thank goodness a lifeguard snapped her right up. Geez.......how many times can you lose 1 child on vacation!?!?

So there's that story. It was still a fabulous vacay.

So....then I was going to blog about my first ever concert (Kenny Chesney in Atlanta, GA). It was AMAZING!!! I didn't though.

So now we are to now. I'm done blogging for now. I feel at peace in my life and I am super busy. There is a tattoo I want to get on my side that I recently saw...well...it was a pic.....it says "it is well with my soul" and has an anchor at the bottom. That's how I feel about life right now. It is well with my soul. There are relationships that have been lost that I am sad about but have realized (another saying I have seen on FB "maybe it's time to stop crossing oceans for those that won't jump puddles for you.") that life is good. It's more than good.....it's great! I am happy and God has blessed me many times over. I have loved and I have lost and I have learned. This blog acted as a diary for me during some really hard times and was started because of a hard time....my difficulty to conceive. Maybe I'll be back. Probably I won't. I appreciate the kind words (generally through private messages on FB) that I have received. I am a really good place though of loving and praying for those that have hurt me and/or my family....heck even those that haven't as it was all I could do this morning to not stop and hug an elderly man that was in a 3 car accident (I just wanted to hug him....let him know that it's ok.......I'm weird).  Thank you for being there for me during these times in my life where I felt I needed an outlet though  (few readers that there are). Now though.....It is well with my soul.

Emily Awoke

Tonight, Emily woke up. She woke up after going to bed at 8 pm and before 6:30 am. This has not happened in some time here at home. It was AMAZING when she started to finally sleep through the night around 19 months. Tonight though....tonight she woke up around now (10:30ish). As I nursed her back to sleep I stared at her in amazement. She has gotten so big! As I switched her sides it was a difficult task that wasn't so much so just a year ago.

I stared at her and I thought of how I almost lost her. I almost lost this sweet, perfect, trouble causing babe at 6 weeks. I thanked God again for the gift he had given me in her. Little Emily is pure trouble. She is hard headed and does what she wants. This is what got her through though. I 100% believe that even at 6 weeks she was trouble...always in to trouble....never giving up. She didn't give up then and so sometimes I wonder why I think she would give up causing trouble now.

She is so precious and looks so sweet and innocent....that girl is trouble! Do not let her fool you. She also moves my face to hers to give me a kiss. She also wakes up asking for "sissy." She also bows her head to pray before meals. She says please and thank you. She is trouble for sure.......but she is also purely amazing. Never gives up.

She is my fighter and I wouldn't have it any other way. Not during the middle of the night or any other time because she is God's gift. A gift I almost lost. A precious, amazing, firecracker I will always be thankful for.

It's amazing the things we think of while staring at our little ones at night while they sleep.

No Poo Update

I figured I should update from this post about no poo. I really, really, really wanted it to be awesome. I also wish I could have had the will power to stick it out a lot longer..........but I didn't. I ended up making it about 10-12 days...not sure anymore. I know it was at least 10. It was not fun.

It is supposed to take 1-3 weeks for your hair to return to normal. If you wash with a cleansing shampoo it is supposed to shorten the time (I didn't). I run......well ran....getting back to it.....about 4-5 days/week and so I wash my hair a lot. I had doubts about this but it just seemed to have a great outcome from people online. It didn't work for me. My roots felt like I had put Crisco on them and then after about an inch it felt like straw. I just couldn't stick it out that long. A big part of it was I had an interview......but I couldn't have stuck it out much longer anyway. I like the shampoo + conditioner softness.

Consignment Shopping

            Since the time I found out that I was preggo with my first (June 2008); I started looking into consignment shopping. I of course still had that "new mom" thing of wanting some new gear but I wasn't too crazy about it. As an example....I had a hand-me-down swing so I didn't bother registering for one or buying one....until I needed it when Victoria was 2 weeks old and realized it didn't work. Oops! Should have checked that out sooner. My sister-in-law told me about this great local consignment sale called Duck Duck Goose. When I started going it was pretty small, but not as small as it was when my SIL started going. Now it is crazy big and in A LOT of locations. It's a great sale! I kind of prefer smaller sales though so I've started mainly going to Jack and Jules. The idea is still the same. Clothes...heck, all baby stuff....is crazy expensive! Even at Target and Walmart the majority of clothes are $12 and up not on sale. I mean they do have a very small mix and match section which is usually around $4-$6 each. That stuff is generally not my style so I have had to take to searching for the good deals. Consignment shopping was great when Victoria was smaller. You can find GREAT pieces....name brand pieces, for amazing prices!!! I still remember 2 of my favorite finds from when Victoria was like 6 months....the first was a set that included: a Gymboree jumper, shirt, tights, headband, and shoes for.............wait for it........$10!!!!! YES!!!! The second was a Janie and Jack set (jumper and shirt) for $7!!!! Those aren't boutique brands but they are still super expensive if you buy them new not on sale.

               It has recently been brought to my attention that I spend way to much on clothes for my children (edited: at least that is what some people think), so I wanted to share my recent consignment trip. It is actually a more expensive trip so probably not the best to give examples of but here goes. There's a lot of pictures so this is going to be long! It just frustrated me that some people have no idea how much I spend on clothes wants to judge me....and I KNOW other momma's go through this.


Let's start with jammies. Anyone who has looked at jammies knows that Carter's are usually rock bottom...$7-$10...let's not even get into how much Gymbo and Gap are! Jeez!!!! I usually get jammies for $2-$3 each but at this sale that was not the case! They were overall much higher priced but heck...I got a pair of Gybo for $3 and a pair of Gap for $4!! The Halloween ones were a splurge, but they were the only Halloween jammies in size 6 I could find AND the skeleton is not cracked at all. All of these are in far better condition than what I normally find.

Next is what I got Emily. She has a BILLION hand-me-downs from Victoria, but for some reason not many dresses. I wanted her to have some dresses for church so I got her these. Do you see that $2 Gap dress?! I wanted to get some cow Baby Leggs to go with but talked myself out of them (although it was 4 pairs of Baby Leggs for like $7). Yes...other than a coat, that's all I got Emily. 

Talking about coats...here are their winter coats. They are those 3-in-one coats so they have a removable fleece shell on the inside. 

Now we're moving on to Victoria.....let's start with shoes. Kids have to have shoes right? I'm pretty sure they do. At Target and  Walmart they start at $14. I don't really care about brands in shoes. She needs tennis shoes, black flats, and brown flats. I like her to have white Keds, brown and black boots. Her Keds still fit and she'll probably get a new pair for Christmas or her birthday from my parents. So this is what she got (5 pairs of shoes for less than the cost of 2). Those black sparkle were special because she got a black/silver sparkly skirt as a hand-me-down and I thought they'd go well together. 

Now to Victoria's actual clothes. She got a lot of hand-me-downs that are awesome so really she probably didn't need this much, but she LOVES dresses. She didn't get a lot of dresses as hand-me-downs so that is mainly what I focused on. 

Garnett Hill is pretty expensive new and it along with that TCP dress scream Victoria. That child won't wear anything she doesn't like so I really had to try to channel my inner V while shopping. LOL! It was hard. 

I really liked the Gymbo but was on the fence and looking back...I think I should have passed it up. Victoria doesn't care for it so I may try to resell it at another consignment coming up in Oct. (that I'm NOT shopping at). The purple outfit is something I KNEW  Victoria would LOVE so that's why I got it.

Seriously....Tea Collection dress and tights for $10!!! Yay!!! The pink and brown will be Victoria's Thanksgiving outfit and will match a hand-me-down of Emily's. It's more than I normally like to spend but just could not pass it up. I had soooo many people commenting on it even when I was sorting through what to keep and what to put back.

That Gybmo shirt was meant to be put back. Oh well. Emily has a matching outfit which is why it made it in the stack in the first place. The $14 Carters is also way more than I normally spend on Carters but it's going to be her her Christmas dress so I went for it. It matches Emily's perfectly! Then that 3 piece Gymbo...I just couldn't pass that up....plus I knew V would adore it.

I wanted to want to put this back so bad and just couldn't. I'm glad because Victoria loved it! 

I don't really like that shirt BUT it went with the skirt and shoes so I got it. 

So that with their hand-me-downs gives both kiddos very full and beautiful wardrobes. Could I have just said I'm not going to spend more than $2/item of clothing and found stuff. Probably. It would have been more than likely very worn, no designs, and definitely not Victoria's style. I think we made out pretty well. I will say in the spring I spend WAY less at consignment because I always find AMAZING sales in stores for spring clothes and both kids get a lot of clothes at Christmas and for their birthdays. Like....a heck of a lot! It works out really well for Victoria because spring clothes are out by then. I buy her clothes for her birthday as well and not toys or anything else. Here's what she got last year (and a few items for Emily). I spend $61.33 at Gymbo for 18 pieces that would have been individually bought (some things were sets that would be bought together). It worked out to like $3.42/item!!! Yes, my kids mainly dress in name brand but at a whopping $4-$7 per outfit average. This picture has 6 dresses, 6 shirts, 2 pair of shorts, 2 skirts, 1 pair of capris, 1 (2) piece set, and 1 jumper. 

Oh...and I'm SUCH a big spender that I even buy some of their Christmas stuff consignment as well. This is going to be from Santa to BOTH girls (they only get 1 Santa gift). Picture is from Jack and Jules site. It has a new batter and NO scratches. These things sell for $300 new...sometimes you can find them on sale for $260 + tax. 

I also got this doll house for V, but I'm seriously considering making it for both. The girls get 3 gifts each for Christmas from us (that's what Jesus got and so I we go with they don't need more than that). Also a picture from Jack and Jules site. It's the 4' doll house...not the stroller (you can't really see it but it's in storage now so I'm not going to be getting a pic). The cheapest in store I have seen is $120ish. 

I'm nervous because I know we are getting close to that age where I can't find a lot through consignment but hey...that Gybmo sale was amazing! I am just going to have to get really good a sale shopping :-) I never spend full price for the kids clothes and hope to never have to. I try to always be proactive and hit the sales. I do spend a lot in one trip...but I usually don't take more than one trip. 

Edited: Sorry for all the grammar mistakes! Eeek! That is annoying! I will proofread next time :-)

No Poo?

Have you heard of this "no poo" business? It's where you don't use traditional shampoo and conditioner and instead use a homemade concoction. I used what I think is the more common method of baking soda and water for the "shampoo," and apple cider vinegar for "conditioner." I was going to post some recipes here for ya in case you want to try that business out but I'm not going too.....because I hated it so much and all.

There are some things that you can supposedly do to make it a better experience. You can get a clarifying shampoo and that is supposed to help. You are supposed to give the whole thing 1-3 weeks. I didn't. I just couldn't. "They" say that the transition time is a pretty rough hair time.....whoever "they" are were totally not joking! I mean seriously! My roots...well, the top 4" I guess felt like a grease trap while the remaining hair felt like straw. I couldn't stick it out. I stuck it out for a whopping 10 days. It's supposed to be great!

I wanted to try it for 2 reasons. I wanted to cut out some chemicals and I wash my hair like crazy which is supposed to be not good. I run and I play outside with my kiddos....this equals nasty sweaty hair and I just can't stand it. I wash my hair almost daily. Every once in a  while some time passes but it's pretty rare. Oh...and I get split ends really bad and I thought this whole "no poo" would help. It's also supposed to magically make your hair grow super fast. Maybe it's for you. I still think it's worth a shot if you feel up to it....I just want you to know I couldn't stick it out. If you can't....don't feel bad ;-) If you do stick it out....You are pretty awesome!

Eggs...my current fave food!

This is totally random but I LOVE eggs right now! I try to get cage free (for free which is even better) but the hubs keeps forgetting to ask for them (he has been ridiculously busy lately). So if you cut up for veggies for the week then this is pretty quick and easy!

I wish I had a picture here....I'll try to add it tomorrow (I've been eating this as a meal every day).

It's not really like an omelet...I just put some veggies in a skillet add eggs and voila!

1. EVOO drizzled in skillet.
2. Throw in some minced up garlic (I like garlic so I do like 2-3 cloves). Let it sizzle for a couple of minutes to release the flavor.
3. Throw in zucchini, squash, onions, kale and sometimes tomatoes. (I usually use 2 slices each of the zucchini and squash and then chop it pretty small....I try to use equal amounts of all veggies). Let those cook for 2-5 minutes so they get soft.
4. Crack 2 eggs directly into the skillet and mix it all up.
5. Salt and pepper to taste.
6. Add some shredded mozerella after they're done and flop it in a plate.

Eat a banana or some strawberries with it.

I never realized just how easy it was to make the eggs super yummy super quick!! I get in protein and veggies and fruit in a super yummy low cal meal and that just makes it all the better!

Happy Memorial Day!

So, obviously this is a little late. 

What did you do for Memorial Day? My little family of four went to Cades Cove in the Great Smoky Mountains. I'm not gonna lie. I am so jealous of all those that spent the holiday (especially the whole weekend) out on the lake. I LOVE the lake!!! I forgot just how much I love the lake until last year. This post is not about that though. 

We had a fantabulous time! We planned on going for a hike but the hubs and I had a little mis-communication. Well, we might have had that happen about several things (oh well). We are blessed to live close to the mountains and we really love spend time up there. Granted, not as much as we used to because gas is not cheap and we drive 2 gas guzzlers. We took the hub's gas guzzler this trip (which is very rare). We packed up a picnic and headed out to enjoy our little piece of this great country that many have fought and died for. 

If you live anywhere near the Great Smoky Mountains and have not visited.....what's wrong with you? Seriously you should! There is something for everybody in every season. There are beautiful, historical trails (if you want some serious awesomeness check out....and stay at Mt. LeConte), chalets, skiing, tubing (on snow and in creeks), camping, horseback riding, camping.....really....everything. The Gatlinburg and Pigeon Forge areas are like Myrtle Beach in the Mountains. LOL! Sersiously....just go! The hubs and I are DYING to stay at LeConte Lodge again but financially aren't really able to swing it while I'm not working (well, we could but we aren't willing to give up other things......like a family beach vacay or aniversary trip....but if our anniversary were not in Oct. we would for reals do it for that). 

I'm blabbering. 

We went straight to the Cove... the girls were released out of their car seats and allowed to just hang out. (Yes, that is a seat belt positioning booster...only for her Daddy's F-350 that she rides in rarely...otherwise she's still in a 5-pt. harness.)

Victoria has a small army of toys where ever we may go.....just ignore that.....Caroline had to come....and apparently she needed a bag....and of course Monkey had to come. 

We visited some of the cabins that have been preserved and talked about how horrible it is that the tore down the house of the last person living in the Cove because it was too modern. I mean seriously how sad is that!? It is still a BIG part of history! Oh...and while walking on a trail I told Victoria to not walk in the Mud....Here's that convo (spoiler...she won).

Me: Victoria, walk over this way.

V: Why?

Me: So you don't walk through the mud.

V: Why? (yay....we are in that stage!! Dripping with sarcasm)

Me: So you don't get your sandals dirty silly!

V: Can't you just wash them? 

Me: (Crap :-/) Ummm.....Yeah....okay.....I guess....sure. You're right. I can. (I don't have a problem telling her she's right when she's right.)

We had a little picnic...in a very poorly picked area with a ton of poison ivy...so we carried the girls and wouldn't let them off the blanket.....that was covered in spiders. Yeah.....next time we'll pick a better area. 

I promise Emily had on a blue jean skirt. 

We all stood in a tree. I know. Random. Well....I thought it would be cute to get a pic of Victoria up there and she flipped out! Weirdo. Hence her daddy hanging out behind the tree. Then Emily was like....Oh I want to!!! (she didn't actually say that of course but she ran of there and pointed at and spoke jibberish), then Victoria insisted that Kev and I do the same. So there you have it...our family tree. Get it?! Family Tree?! I totally crack myself up. Poor hubs. 

And then I was done. The girls were being difficult and I was ready to go.....then there was traffic....and because we are used to this...hubs and I said..."That's bear traffic!" We did the only logical thing we could think of...pull over, take the kiddos out, and chase the bear. I kid. No we did do that but we talked about how stupid it was first. I don't have and great pics of the bear because I'm not that crazy. It was a Momma and her 2 babies and I was NOT going any where near her (no one else was that stupid either). 

It was a good day at the Cove :-) 

We went to Smoky Mountain Brewery afterwards....that sounds bad. It's family friendly. It's pretty much our fave place. 

On the way Emily went to sleep for a MUCH needed nap and Victoria informed me she was hungry and wanted strawberries. I told her to not eat too many because we were about to eat. About 5 min. later she said, "Uh-oh! Mommy, I'm sorry. I accidentally ate them all. Well, there's 1 left!" Yeah....I quartered them so 1 left meant a quarter of a berry. LOL! Oh well.....at least it was healthy food. 

When we got to the Brewery there was face painting going on and so V got a butterfly. 

As you can see....Caroline is with her pretty much at all times. She's dying for Saige....umm...ask Santa...maybe. 

Anywho.....it was a pretty perfect day! We had a great time! 

Avoiding the "Summer Slide"

I feel like I haven't been on here in forever!! I keep meaning to come visit.....sorry..

Anywho...

I have pulled the girls out of daycare (or as we call it school) for the summer. I'm not working and normal school is out for the summer so I felt like it was what we should do. Victoria will go to a Parents Day Out program starting next week though so that she does still have some social time and a little bit of "school" type work. She has made MAJOR strides this past year and I really don't want to go backwards. I want to avoid the "summer slide," but here's the problem.....she doesn't like me to teach her. She doesn't really focus well with me and it's kind of hard to dedicate the time while like monster Em's is running around. I have decided to give ABCmouse a go and I really like it! I would HIGHLY recommend that you set up an account without the little one(s) present though because it was hard to figure out a starting level without really looking into it. I chose to start on level 3 because that is the first level in her age range but I felt like it was really easy for her because it's stuff she learned awhile ago and has pretty much mastered it. Today I was just going to build her a lesson that I felt was more on her level, but thankfully I checked out the next couple of levels and BOOM....level 5 is just what she needed. She loves that she can earn tickets for things so I don't have to beg her to do it. It only goes to level 6 so I'm not sure how long we'll be using it but I'm glad we have it for now.

I also went and bought a workbook. Those things are not cheap for sure! I bought one from Target because I had the girls I didn't really feel like shopping around but I have heard they have them at the Dollar Tree has them and I know a local place called "Ollies" has them as well. I should probably check out the Dollar Tree because I drive by that place daily BUT I just hate returning something and then going to another store...buckling and unbuckling kiddos. Call me lazy....I just can't stand it. The book is great though! It is by School Zone here's a linky to their site. My favorite thing is that is covers everything in one book! While it is a little pricey..I'm just going to be honest...I will *probably* keep with this brand and get her one every summer because I really do like the layout and it goes up to grade 6. I will definitely look at other books next time I am at the other stores I mentioned but they would really have to blow this one out of the water and be a lot cheaper. I know I could find individual books that I like, but like I said.....I really like that it's all in one.

Victoria works out

Victoria works out. It's so cute :-) 

I run and she knows that. Sometimes she sees me or me and Kevin doing circuit type work outs. She generally joins in to the best of her ability and well......Emily just runs around in circles laughing. 

Victoria asks why I work out and I tell her it's good for your muscles and your heart. It is. I'm not going to lie.....I do it for that...but I also do it for sanity and for weight control. I like to eat. Yummy chicken wings, ice cream, fudge rounds......I've gotten better lately....since I have too. My metabolism is apparently not what it used to be. That's okay.....I need to eat well so the girls see how to eat well. 

Anywho.......I was going some where with that. I tell Victoria that it's for your heart and muscles because I don't want her having weird or bad body image. I had that. I have that. It's not fun. I just want her to work out because you should and I want her to eat healthy because you should and then body should be a okay. 

She loves it. 

She is dying to run with me. I told her when she can run 1 mile I will start letting her do races. I have started working with her but ummmmm....she runs straight up and down with a lot of movement. She runs like a girl. I don't know how hard to push her since you know....she's 4. I just tell her that she has to believe in herself and not say "I can't." I'm going to go running with her as often as she wants to though because I am not going to try to talk her into being lazy. I do try to get her to run the entire time we out (a whopping .37 miles). She doesn't. That's okay. 

It does make me super happy though that she likes to work out. I was putting Emily to sleep and Victoria was making a lot of noise....so I look over and what was she doing...Burpees, wall sits, jumping jacks, and high knees. LOL! She cracks me up. She was driving Kevin crazy but that's okay. I told her she could work out but just try to be as quite as possible. 

Kiddos are crazy :-) 

4 Going on 14

About a month ago Victoria told me she was 4.....like 14! Then she died in a hysterical giggle fit and ever since she has been saying she is 14 pretty regularly. It definitely does seem like she is 4 going on 14.

1) She has decided that she thinks Justin Bieber is soooooo cute!!! She seriously knows who he is. I showed her a picture of him one day and she got all giggly and said "That's Justin Bieber!!!!!" Kevin tried to tell her she didn't even know who he was and quizzed her as to where he lives...her response "California (with the duh you're so stupid voice and the eye roll)." I don't think she knew what he was known for though because I let her listen to a song and asked her if she liked his voice and she laughed and said "Like a girl voice!!!!" We had no idea this started so young :-/

2) She now reads her sight words with a side ways glance. Seriously?! Yes, honey you are so cool that you don't even have to look at the index card to read the word....it just pops into your head.

3) She always has her hands on her hips while making sassy faces. Seriously....the faces she makes are teenage "Oh my gosh I'm like totally cool" faces. What in the world?!?!

4) Every other word out of her mouth is "Awesome" or "Cool."

5) Only she can pick out her clothes....her night clothes...her socks.....her shoes......EVERYTHING! She will not wear it if she does not pick it out.....at least not without a total melt down.

Edited to add in #6.....I knew I was forgetting something!!!

6) Yesterday she heard Rihanna's song Diamonds.....she exclaimed "This is my favorite song!" I had no response....

What have we gotten ourselves into. I am scared. At least the clothes she likes to wear are super conservative:-)

I'm not who I want to be

I have finally started being able to get in some longish runs lately and I have a lot of time to think during such things. Today I ran 9 miles (I don't really consider them long runs until after like 13)....it took about an hour and half. I thought about a lot.

I thought about how it was an absolutely gorgeous day and how I am so thankful to God for having today.....just having now. Then I thought about how I really need to stop being so....not sure what you call it but constantly wanting more....ya know? Things like.."Oh, well hopefully next year after (hopefully) getting a job...we can get a camper!" You know...maybe we will...maybe we won't but we have so much right now. We have a home, we have vehicles, we have extended family and our core family, we have food in our bellies and clothes on our back. I don't want to be that person anymore. I don't want to plan for what we might have next year. I want to be happy...grateful really, with what we have right now.

I thought about how I lose my patience with Victoria a lot lately. Not like I'm beating her or anything....I just get so tired of everything being an argument. Like this:

V: I get to start a new school when I'm 6!
Me: Actually you'll start a new school when you are 5 because you'll start kindergarten:)
V: No! We have a 4-5 class I'm my school now!! We don't have a 6 class so that is when I start a new school!

Well.....that's very logical....I understand the train of thought there.

Me: I know honey but really you'll start kindergarten when you are 5.5 because it starts in Aug. and you'll be old enough next Aug.
V: (crying and mad) No! I start a new school when I'm 6!!!!
Me: (frustrated because she is yet again crying over something that seems so little) Jeez Victoria! Stop crying about it. It's not a big deal!
V: I start a new school when I'm 6!!
Me: I'm not arguing with you!

Fun stuff. Why do I argue with a 4 year old? Why do I let it get to me so much? This is not who I want to be. I want to have more patience and understanding. It's just so hard lately. Everything is an argument with tears....what to wear...what to eat...when to eat....when to go outside. Everything.

Moving on though....Have you ever been hurt really deep by someone you love? I'm sure you have. It sucks.  Well....I have this problem. I feel like if I could just explain myself enough, if I just try harder, if I just take the blame enough. I mean seriously I just can't let go. I dwell on it. I tell myself every day the cold hard truth of it, and that's this.....that person never really cared about me. It was fake. You can't care about someone, stab them in the back, throw them under the bus, and then call foul and never talk to them about it. If you care you put forth an effort. It's not about me...it's about them. It still hurts that people can treat you like that. I don't want to be the person that dwells on it though. That's not who I want to be. I pray and ask God to take it but it's like I really still don't let Him. Victoria is just starting to get hurt and disappointed in friends and I want to teach her how to handle it appropriately and I have to do that through modeling it myself.

She has a little friend at school that she adores. She told me one day that this friend hurt her feelings because she got on yellow and she wanted her to be on purple (they flip cards for behavior). I told her that her friend did not hurt her feelings but that she disappointed her and that she most certainly did not mean to. I told her all she can do is encourage her friend to have appropriate behavior and that she (Victoria) must always have really good behavior so her friends could see how they should act.

I want her to understand we can't make people behave a certain way or like us or any of that. I want her to grow up always being kind to everyone. I want her to know most people don't hurt us or disappoint us on purpose and you can't be upset about an accident. If somebody does hurt us on purpose then you for sure can't be mad at that person because they are just sad, hurt, and/or angry people and those people need our love and prayers more than those that hurt us on accident. I'm trying really hard to model this. It's hard. I don't want revenge but I somehow think I can fix anything. I can't.

I want to be who God wants me to be. I want to be slow to anger and quick to love. That's not really how the bible verse goes...here ya go "My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry." James 1:19.

So...I'm not who I want to be yet but I was feeling very lost recently and I have been thinking about all this a lot lately....particularly when I run surrounded by God's beauty. I finally realized why I felt lost....because I'm not who I want to be or who God wants me to be. So I've been working on it and I don't think it is something I will ever be perfect at...and that's okay. I am getting better though and I have 2 little angels that make me want it more. Being a parent is hard. It makes you look very closely at who you are and how you are perceived.....at least it should because you have these little beings that learn who to be from who you are.

Washing my face with oil?

So...I haven't washed my face in 4 days........at least with soap and water. I mentioned forever ago that I wanted to start washing my face with oil....but I was a little nervous about it to say the least. Well...I finally took the plunge. Granted it has only been you know...4 days...but still...my face feels fab!!!! Plus...I had a huge zit the first day I washed with oils (um...this is gross....but I'm a picker....I totally popped it and then washed).....the next day it was G.O.N.E!!!! Seriously!!! I also had some darker spots from older breakouts and now they are almost all gone too! There is one spot left!!! I am pretty positive it is working for wrinkles that are trying to be on my forehead as well;)

Well....so I mixed up 3 oz. castor oil and 7 oz. olive oil and went to town. I read other blogs about this and they say it washes off make-up so I put all this in some flip-top bottles from Wal-Mart (4 for $2...I filled 3) and went to town. I don't think I will ever go back. After I finish washing my face I follow-up with some coconut oil....because that stuff is AMAZING!!!

How I "Wash"

I turn on the hot water and throw a wash cloth under the stream. I squirt about a quarter size in my palm. I massage into my face for...I don't know....a while. I pay particular attention to my forehead since it's trying to get wrinkles....I massage my whole face with my eyes closed and I escape from the baby screams for about 3 min. I guess. I go over my eyes to get the mascara and eyeliner, etc. off. Then I reach in the sink, squeeze the wash cloth out and put it over my face for a couple of secs., gentally wipe off, put in under the stream...repeat for about 2-3 more times. I then put the coconut oil on and I am done.

My face is fab:)

Try it. You'll never go back.

More to come on how coconut oil is changing my life in the near future!

Getting old.....or not.

Soooo...I'm coming up on my 29th birthday. I thought I would be freaking out. I mean....hello.....last year in my 20s!!!!!! EEEEKKKKK!!!

Well, after I turned 26 I was fretting BIG time! I just stayed 25 until recently. I mean seriously, every year when people asked I just said I was 25. I even had myself completely convinced I was 25. When Hugh was engaged to 24-year-old Crystal I was all...."Dude that is how old I am!!! Wait...no...I'm 28.....just kidding." Maybe that's what brought me around to reality....not sure. Now I'm good with my age.

When I was in high school I was not confident at all. Seriously, I had no idea where I fit in. I played tuba in band, was on the swim team (very briefly), and played basketball. Was I a band nerd? Was I a cool athlete? I had no clue. I just kinda.....wore pj's all the time, talked to everybody.....and just couldn't wait to grow up. I just wanted to get married and have kids. Main goal in life no joke. I wanted to be a wife and mommy.

I partied in my 20s though and swore I'd never settle down.....until I met my sweet hubs. I still was not comfortable with who I was.

I am now though. With age I have learned about true love, working in relationships, true friendships, about a stronger relationship with God...I have learned who I am. I have learned to be okay with who I am no matter what. I have learned that if you don't like me....fine. I'm not going to bend over backwards to be something I'm not for anyone.

I have everything I have ever dreamed about....a husband and children that love me....everything else is just icing on the cake. I feel better about who I am every. single. day. I'm perfectly okay with the big 2-9.....and right around the corner the big 3-0. I look forward to it really. I look forward to life. I don't like that I have to remember to moisturize (I totally didn't have to do that just 2-3 years ago)...but really....whatever. I LOVE my life. I love the confidence and knowledge of getting older.......and the fact that every single student  thus far has been amazed (or at least acted like it) that I am 29 makes it all the sweeter. I love every single one of them that tell me I look 22-25:) I'll take it for sure!!!!!

Children are amazing! You don't get to experience these life experiences until you are older....and that makes getting older all the better. Yes.....BETTER! Plus....2 of my besties share my birthday month and year.....that makes every birthday that much sweeter:)

Substitute Teaching

I know you all are dying to know about this and read on some subbing:)

So I finally finished school and I was ready for a classroom!! Can someone please give me a classroom? I am ready to decorate and help children grow. No? Yeah, I haven't had any luck so far. I visited a ton of schools, met principals, dropped off resumes....now I'm subbing.

I'm going to be honest. I didn't want to sub.  I really was unhappy it had come to substitute teaching BUT.......now I know the experience has been invaluable. I have learned so much! I have been at inner city schools where the teachers are moved around and have meetings all day. A lot of the students come into kindergarten not knowing their letters because their parents don't know to work with them at home. I have been in new schools and old schools. I have been in schools from nice areas and not so nice areas. I have been to schools with a loose uniform policy and schools with "structured recess." I have been in 3 different counties. I have done public and private. I have been to elementary, middle, and high schools.

I definitely know now what my "dream" schools are. I know what kind of questions to ask principals. I know the things about me that are good and the things I need to work on. I have seen great classrooms and horribly unorganized classrooms.....I have learned what I want my classroom to feel like. I have learned how schedules change the whole flow of the day...what to put first, what to put last, how to plan around special areas and lunch and recess and children going in and out of class.

I have learned about sub plans. I have had detailed plans and I have had no plans. I have had videos all day in high school to normal lessons in kindergarten. The format is never the same. Sometimes they tell me about difficult students....sometimes they don't. Sometimes they tell me which kids will be pulled out during the day....sometimes they don't.

Oh! And every school dismisses differently. That in and of itself is mind blowing to me. There are just so many different ways to dismiss school and goes from extremely structured to see ya later! I have to really read up on that part every morning though because that part is usually very structured and the part I'm expected to play is very precise.

I am thankful for the opportunity to substitute now. I am meeting principals and teachers and that was the original point, but I am growing in knowledge as a future educator. I now feel every teacher should have to spend a certain amount of time substituting before getting a classroom of their own. I learned a lot from student teaching but substituting has given me a completely different perspective.

So I guess this blog is me just saying....sometimes we don't understand God's plan....we grumble and complain....He always knows what he is doing though. This experience has definitely taught me to not worry so much and just trust in God.

Teaching entitlement

I'm seriously concerned about the entitlement people feel these days. What happened to the days of working hard for what you want? They days of knowing that not every kid makes the team and you better work for it if you want it? The days where not every child was invited to the birthday party and it wasn't the end of the world?

Victoria has a lot. She is blessed with a large family and lots of friends that love her, and so she ends up with a lot of clothes and toys. She gets told "no" a lot too though. Every single time we go somewhere she of course grabs something and wants it, but the answer is pretty much always "no." When she was really little it was harder on her, but now she knows she can't pitch a fit and get what she wants. We say no and she hugs whatever it is she has, sets it down, and off we go. Is she disappointed? Sure. Is that a bad thing? I'm going to go with no. She needs to learn disappointment.

Mommy and Daddy aren't going to be able to sweet talk the coach into letting her on the team when she is older, we aren't going to be able to make other kids like her if they don't, we can't make someone hire her just because she really wants the job, etc. Do I like to disappoint her? Of course not! I do feel like she is learning a great necessary life lesson though.

Right now Victoria plays wee ball and that is even hard on me. I am really not into not keeping score, everyone gets a chance type sports. I *think* next year when she is doing t-ball they start being more real about the whole thing. I'm not sweating it this year since wee ball is all 3 and 4 year olds. I heard that they have cheerleading where you cheer for both teams though.....seriously?! No. I'm sorry. There is a winner, there is a loser, there is defense, and there is offense.....get real people! Victoria is going to start cheering in the fall and she will be cheering for 1 team....AND she's going to learn to support that team when they lose as well as when they win. I also don't let her quit stuff halfway. She has to learn to finish what she starts. That's a different post though ;)

I'm concerned that kids today can't even have birthday parties though without parents getting upset that their kids weren't invited. I remember not being invited to every party.....it wasn't fun....it was life. I also remember practicing for 3 hrs. most days to make the basketball team when I was in middle school. If I didn't make the team my Mommy or Daddy couldn't simply go to the coach and say...."You really hurt my kid's feelings by cutting them. They need to be on the team." nor could they go to a college I applied for had I not been accepted and tell the admissions office how mean they were. When I didn't finish my college degree right away...no one was able to go earn that for me. I had to do that myself.

I think Victoria's hardest thing is when a child has something that she doesn't have and wants really bad. Or when a child gets to do something she wants to but doesn't get to. I could fold. It would be a lot easier. I don't think that helps her though. She has to see, once again, that just because somebody else has it.....doesn't entitle her to have it. Recently we went to GA for my graduation. There was a pool and my niece had been swimming. Victoria wanted to really bad but it's not something I had planned on. We didn't have swimsuits or anything so I told her no. She was not pleased. My sister offered to take her with them and really, that would have been ok. V could have gone in a t-shirt and panties. I had already said no though and so I took the opportunity to further teach her that just because someone else gets to do something does not mean she's going to get to.

Sometimes parenting is hard. It's not supposed to be easy. You are shaping a person. You have to teach this little being that they don't always get what they want, you have to teach them how to treat others and how to stand up for themselves. You teach them about values, hard work, respecting others, and about cleaning up after themselves. You teach them to be accountable for their actions and choices.....and so much more. It's not easy but someone has to do it.....you have to do it. Please don't teach your child how to feel entitled.

Homemade Laundry Detergent

I've been making my own laundry detergent for almost a year....like 10 months. I LOVE it! I will never, ever, ever.....EVER...buy store detergent again (well...never say never I guess....but you feel where I'm coming from). We had a bottle of Tide given to us and of course I was not all...."Get that out of my face!!! How dare you put your store bought detergent near me!" No, no, no.....I was all "Heck yeah!!" I'll take free detergent any day :)

When I say I've been making it though.....I have to tell you I feel kinda like I'm lying because I've only made it twice...so it's not like I'm slaving over it. No, I bought a box of Borax, a box of washing soda (which is completely different than baking soda mind you), a 3 pack of Dial bar soap and gave it a go. Now.....I've read a lot of different recipes so here's another. LOL! One I read said to use Fels Naptha (sp?)...it's a bar soap specifically made for laundry....I also read that the Duggars along with plenty of others just use the bar soap of their choice. Growing up we used Dial and it is just the smell of clean to me (I can't use that in the shower....drys me out...anywho).....so that's what I used. Plain ol' yellow Dial. Those ingredients were like $10-$13....can't remember and it'll change anyway based on where you live. So basically most recipes went like this....

1 bar of soap grated (apparently you can pop it in the microwave for like 30 sec. though? I did mine in the food processor....not going to lie. I did use the grating attachment though).

1 cup washing soda

1/2 cup Borax

Now here's where a lot of people differ....how much water to add. I read where one blogger used 3 gallons for this....the Duggars use 5 gallons....let it set overnight....split it and add that much water again. Here's a link to their recipe (which says Fels Naptha BUT if watch it on youtube they use Dove...I think....but they don't use FN).

I toyed around with the first batch. I made a 5 gallon bucket full and then I would fill my container half way and then fill the rest of the way with water. In the end I just started filling the container completely with detergent and going that route. Can't say I saw a ton of difference but it was just easier. So the next batch I just had 5 one gallon jugs (old vinegar bottles....yeah...I use a lot of vinegar) that I filled with the goop and called it good. It's seriously goop too. It's got like jelly consistency clumps in it. A lot of them. Here's a close up and a not so close up (I'm no photographer). 

That second picture...not so helpful...those clouds though are the clumps. 

So you grate your bar and melt it completely in hot water. I just fill a large pot with water, pour in the grated soap, and stir until the soap is dissolved. I don't let it boil because I think I read somewhere that it can make a bubbly mess. Then I dump it in my 5 gallon bucket that I have sitting in my tub, turn on the faucet to hottest possible, when hot I start filling up my 5 gallon bucket. I also dump my 1 cup of washing soda and 1/2 cup of Borax in and stir, stir, stir. I put the lid on and let it set for 24 hours. After 24 hours I funnel the sludge into the gallon buckets and voila! Done....for 6 months!!!! Love it!! 

I don't like to do steps a billion times so for me...I just grated all 3 bars of soap the first time I had out my food processor and measured out enough Borax and Washing Soda in different containers for 2 more loads and so this past time it seriously took all of like 10 min. to mix it up....if that much. 

I've read where people add scents...you know...do what you will. I don't. Sometimes I wished I had BUT I started making my own fabric softner and now I've got my smell good :) I'll tell you about that in a much shorter post next. 

OH....and before I forget here's some more crappy pictures of the container of grated soap and the container of Borax and Washing Soda....I guess so you can see how I roll? I don't know....

Victoria

Victoria is almost 4. She never ceases to amaze me. She turns 4 on 2/19....she can write her name....which amazes me enough because it is so long. LOL! She has to think about it and spell through it a couple of times but she can do it! She can read 10 sight words:)

1. Stop
2. Go
3. No
4. Yes
5. The
6. A
7. I
8. At
9. Is
10. Ummmm....I can't remember? oh well...I don't have her flash cards with me right now.

She knows all her upper and lower case letters and what they sound like as well as most of her numbers 1-20.

Two days ago she proposed to me. HILARIOUS!!! That's the first time that has happened to me so it totally warmed my heart:) She wants to marry all the people she loves. It is too sweet and so very innocent. She loves to play with her Tag and her Leapster. Dear Leap Frog.....I love you!

She doesn't really like to learn with me so Thank God she loves to use these learning tools and is a sponge at school.

She adores church. If we ever miss she is devastated. Yesterday I didn't go because....like usual lately...Emily conked out at 9:15 and didn't wake until 10:30...I had no time to get ready. Kevin works every other weekend and he didn't get home until 10:45. I hate missing church. Victoria hates it more. She said...I really wanna go to church. When I told her we couldn't she cried. She loves Jesus:) She even says regular....out of the blue.... "I love you Jesus!....and you too God!" I've never met such a genuinely sweet child. She if full of love and empathy. She really does amaze me because honestly....I don't feel as much as she does. Maybe that is normal though considering as adults when tend to become hardened by our life experiences. 

Victoria tends to pray multiple times during every meal. I adore it! I just cannot believe how blessed I am!

Victoria Rose....I love you little lady!!! Thank you for making me smile, laugh, cry, etc. every. single. day! You are a joy and my life is not complete without you!!!

My little lady that cannot watch Pocahontas before bed because she has nightmares. She is a gift....thank you dear God for blessing me and trusting me to raise this child of yours....that reminds me daily that she is your gift...your child...and not my possession.

Thank you dear God for the family she has been blessed with. She has been blessed with so many grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and an amazing little sister (their love is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen).

Thank you for these 4 years of bliss my precious baby girl! I love you to the moon and back!!!

I'll admit it....I'm strict.

In this day in age we almost have to whisper it....I'm strict. I am though....especially by today's standards. I expect that my children will say "Yes ma'am" and "No, thank you" and "Excuse me." It is sad to me this is foreign. My oldest remembers to say the blessing before a meal even when we forget. She doesn't run around farting on people, having burping contests, or telling us what to do. Lord help her when...if... she tells one of us to "shut up."

My daughters are my most treasured gifts aside from my husband. I don't have to teach him though. He was already taught well my his mom. We have the job of teaching our daughters though. We don't take it lightly. We are not put on this Earth to be their friends. We want to joke and laugh with them of course but they...well, Victoria at least at this point, knows that our word is final. She says "Yes ma'am" and "ok, I understand." It is fairly rare that she chooses to throw a fit over something or tell us no. We have no warning consequence for no. She gets a swat right away...unless I'm having an off day and then the response she gets is "Excuse me. Would you like to try that again?"

Yes, we spank. Generally it's 1-2 swats on her butt with our hand that generally hurts her pride more than her butt. Emily gets her hand smacked once after several no's (just like Victoria did at the same age).

I expect respect and good manners from my children. Some would say I expect too much too young but I get exactly what I expect from them. If Victoria burps she says "excuse me." She says "May I please have....." Every once in a while she'll say such things as "Give me chewies (that's what she calls fruit snacks)."  When this happens I am actually so taken aback I have to just look at her for a bit and then tell her that she doesn't command me and she can try to ask appropriately in a bit.

I miss children not yelling at parents and telling them what to do. I miss the times before Sponge Bob (that is like the worst cartoon ever in my opinion).

I respect my children too though....don't get me wrong. Victoria can choose what she wants to wear for the most part (I know everything in her closet is appropriate since I put it in there), she can choose what she wants to drink (because we only have milk or water around here), and I ask her opinion about supper quite often. I ask her what she wants to do often. I love her and I know she loves me and that she is not feeling in lack of love from her parents that are strict. She knows what is expected from her though and I think that is very important. She doesn't have to guess what upsets us or if she is allowed to do something. She knows when she acts out there are consequences.

Anyway....this is my ramblings just to say yes....I am strict. I am sure I have come across that way in previous posts so here's the confirmation. It's quite odd to me actually what a prude I have become when it comes to raising my children. The thing is.....the closer my relationship is with God....I have come realize that I am trying to raise his gifts in a way that would make Him happy. In a way that they treat everyone with love and respect....to always use the best manners possible. I have learned recently that, quite frankly put, having good manners is acting in a way that doesn't make others uncomfortable. If my girls are always on their best behavior and acting like ladies than they will most likely not be making others uncomfortable.

Sorry, this post is all over the place. It's something I wanted to share my feelings on but couldn't quite come up with a fluent way to do so.

Life Lessons

Victoria got a book some time ago....I believe October 2011, from the Imagination Library. The book was actually written by Dolly herself, I am a Rainbow. I LOVE it! I particularly love this part, "It's not always up to you, the way that you feel. But how you act is a different deal." 

That's a great life lesson. I try to tell her all the time that if she is sad or mad she can't act out. She's definitely allowed, encouraged really, to go sit by herself for a bit and think about her feelings, but she is required to talk about them. I'm so mad because..... Mommy you hurt my feelings by.....  

I blame that on my mother. We had to talk about everything when I was growing up. I think it's a valuable life skill though to be able to verbalize why you feel the way  you feel. In order to do that you have to know 1) what you are feeling and 2) why you are feeling that way. I feel it's important, necessary really, to be able to talk to the person you are upset with and work past it. I'm not the best at returning calls and such...(which makes people think I'm upset with them) so I have to say.....my sister and one of my besties are totally the same way. They will message me and say, "Are you upset with me? If you are, let's talk about it." I feel like it really shows you care when you want to talk about a problem and fix it. Sweeping a problem under the rug never fixes the problem....it masks it for a bit but it always raises it's ugly head again and usually in the form of the person that didn't want to talk about it is overly sensitive about everything. They didn't work past it so they think about it all the time. 

Which leads me to that whole saying of "forgive and forget." That's a stupid saying. As humans we don't just say...."Hmm....I would like to hit delete on this event." That's just stamps it further into our memory. I really like this very long explanation. We can act like we forgot and not hold something against somebody, and maybe several years down the road we might forget, but it doesn't just happen. I also really enjoy the information about forgiving there. It jives with what my pastor says. You can forgive and move on in different directions. Hmm...really because in Matthew 18:21-22 it says I should forgive my brother not 7 times but 7 times 70. Well....it also says in Matthew 18: 15-17  15"If your brother sins, go and show him his fault in private ; if he listens to you, you have won your brother. 16 "But if he does not listen to you, take one or two more with you, so that BY THE MOUTH OF TWO OR THREE WITNESSES EVERY FACT MAY BE CONFIRMED. 17 "If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church ; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector. 

So there we go. You really should forgive....the Christian idea of forgiveness is that you love them, don't wish them harm, don't be vengeful. Christian love is not speaking ill, doing good deeds, and praying for them. I have to say I have a personal issue in my life and I feel covered here. I have been questioned and accused of those that feel like I am against them (even though there is no reason for them to feel that way). I have been told that I don't apologize correctly and that I haven't really forgiven. Well, I have. I pray for them, I don't wish them ill-will, I tried to reach out and talk about our disagreements. No go. Oh well.I have learned in life that as long as you know who you are and what your intentions are it really doesn't matter what others think. You can't make someone that has no intentions of giving you a chance believe or understand you. God knows your heart. I guess that all has come with age as well. It still hurts and still makes you question yourself from time to time when someone has such horrible things to say about you. You just have to say oh well. So that all ties back to the "It's not always up to you, the way that you feel. But how you act is a different deal."

Sometimes we are hurt or mad but we can't act out. We forgive and we pray and hopefully discuss with the person that has hurt us or made us mad and we work past it. We don't ever treat others badly. Ever.

Oh....BTW.....I also loathe the whole..."don't let others control how you feel." Umm....okay. Well, that's really hard...especially when you want something to work so badly and the other party really doesn't care. Sometimes there are toxic people in our lives though and we have to recognize those people and just let them go. Forgive and move forward......in different directions.