Day 5 this go around is about a billion times better!!! I have heard it is very different from cycle to cycle and I would just like to say that is so with me as well. Maybe because my house is overflowing with kiddos and I don't have time to even think about stress, maybe it because a teenager at church told the congregation that stress is a sin and now I feel crazy guilty, maybe my body is better adjusted......whatever it is I don't care.......I'm not crying and that's all that matters. How was that for a run on sentence?! LOL!
Victoria has been doing pretty dang good with night time potty training. She has had 2 dry nights, and another night she was dry all night, but when she woke up in the morning she pulled her pants down, sat on the edge of the bed and peed. Kid has had some crazy pee habits going on. If we are outside and no potty is close, I just pull down her pants and make her pop a squat. Well, I guess I have done this so much that now she has started doing it on her own. She did this once when we were outside playing......that was okay....I mean she didn't go in her pants. She also has decided (twice now) that she should pull this number right in front of the front door. Awesome. I guess this is because sometimes my dog does have accidents (not pleased to admit that), and so now she has decided it's okay to go there as well. She also has started finding diapers, pulling off her pants, straddles the diaper, and attempts to put it on. Sometimes this makes me nervous. I mean is this normal behavior? I'm going with no. I think she just sees me change other kiddos diapers and kind of wants that attention for herself. Ohhhhh....and another new, disturbing habit....yay. I watched a kiddo that took a pacifier quite a bit.....well, ,Victoria started putting the plastic ones for her doll in her own mouth. At first it was just for short periods of time and I figured t wasn't worth stressing about. Well, now she throws a fit for paci and has even found some random real ones laying around. Great.....I'm going to get to break my 2 year of a paci. Thankfully, when I tell her to take them out and lay it on the counter she does and it's not a hassle. I'm just going to have to take all pacis and hide them away I guess.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Hello anxiety
Today started the nausea and anxiety. I have 2 more days left of Clomid and so I am hoping the anxiety does not get too much worse. Maybe a good run tomorrow and Monday will help. I am hoping that the busier I am the less I think about it. I have a lot of cleaning tomorrow and a ton of studying to get done this week before Thursday. The weather is supposed to be great so maybe I can get out with the kiddos on Monday and go to the little play area in the subdivision. I'm going to have a whole lotta kiddos though, so we'll see how that goes. Not sure I can get them all down there! LOL! Everyone hates a Monday, but couple it with some Clomid and 4 kiddos......it could be very interesting!
Friday, January 28, 2011
When is enough just enough?
I really wanted to write about the drama in my life yesterday, but I didn't for 2 reasons. 1) It was not really my drama to share, and 2) I think it's not appropriate to do that sort of thing for every one to see. Well, I have decided that I'm tired of sugar coating things. I'm tired of random people thinking bygones should be bygones. I'm going to air my drama without names and without how they are related to me. For all you peeps know it could be my great-aunt's second cousin's daughter-in-law drama. LOL! I created this blog to act as a journal or diary or whatever you want to call it. I may screen myself in many aspects of my life, but when it comes to this blog it is solely for me, and so if writing this crap down makes me feel better.....yay!
So my thoughts are when does a person treat you so horribly that you cut them out of your life? When do you decide that you can't handle anymore.....even if they are family? What situations call for you to suck it up and say, life is too precious and too short to let this ruin not only 1 relationship but many? I am ready to move on and forgive and forget. I honestly feel like I am way past this point. I'm not good with bible versus, but I know there are a ton out there that tell you to forgive and forget and move on. I also know there are a lot that warn you about trusting those that can't be trusted and not putting yourself in bad situations. Where is that line? When is okay to cut people out? For me that point is now. I'm not sure if it's okay by God or anything......he can judge me when my time comes, and everyone else can just not preach to me and tell me I'm not being a Christian. I have prayed, and prayed, and prayed and I'm at peace with my decision.
I was going to get into what all happened here. I mean I seriously just deleted it. I don't have to say everything that has happened and hear people tell me I'm right or wrong. I'm just at that point where I feel like enough has been done in a conniving, sneaky manner that I can't forgive and forget. I feel like this person treats me one way in front of people just to look good and completely different when people aren't looking. I feel like this person actually doesn't do 1 thing for others out of the goodness in their heart, but only so they look like such a wonderful person and so they have something to hold over others. All I can think is I will never again put myself in a situation to be hurt by this person. I tried the whole I'll be around you, but not talk to you, but yet again I have been hurt. Yet again I gave this person the benefit of the doubt (after harboring bad feelings for over a year), and they very quickly showed me why I didn't want anything to do with them......again. I think there has to be a point where it's not okay to keep going back for another dose of pain. There just has to be a breaking point. The thing is, things have gotten so bad that I will not go around this person. They have hurt my whole family. I can't make decisions for my husband; he is a grown man and can make his own choices, but as for me and my daughter........this person will no longer be in our lives.
As I said before, this blog is for me. When I feel depressed or discouraged about the situation I will return to this blog and say, "Self....here is your peace. Here is the choice you have decided to make. You don't have to be depressed, discouraged, or feel guilty. You have thought this through logically and over a long period of time. It is okay to let it go." So, I'm going to try to let it go.....that will take some time. I just don't have room in my life for this crap any more. I just have room for love and goodwill.
I hope that anyone that does read this, that may be in a horrible situation but they're holding on through obligation, now feels that they can just let go of the bad. I hope everyone can draw that line in their life where they say, enough is just enough.
So my thoughts are when does a person treat you so horribly that you cut them out of your life? When do you decide that you can't handle anymore.....even if they are family? What situations call for you to suck it up and say, life is too precious and too short to let this ruin not only 1 relationship but many? I am ready to move on and forgive and forget. I honestly feel like I am way past this point. I'm not good with bible versus, but I know there are a ton out there that tell you to forgive and forget and move on. I also know there are a lot that warn you about trusting those that can't be trusted and not putting yourself in bad situations. Where is that line? When is okay to cut people out? For me that point is now. I'm not sure if it's okay by God or anything......he can judge me when my time comes, and everyone else can just not preach to me and tell me I'm not being a Christian. I have prayed, and prayed, and prayed and I'm at peace with my decision.
I was going to get into what all happened here. I mean I seriously just deleted it. I don't have to say everything that has happened and hear people tell me I'm right or wrong. I'm just at that point where I feel like enough has been done in a conniving, sneaky manner that I can't forgive and forget. I feel like this person treats me one way in front of people just to look good and completely different when people aren't looking. I feel like this person actually doesn't do 1 thing for others out of the goodness in their heart, but only so they look like such a wonderful person and so they have something to hold over others. All I can think is I will never again put myself in a situation to be hurt by this person. I tried the whole I'll be around you, but not talk to you, but yet again I have been hurt. Yet again I gave this person the benefit of the doubt (after harboring bad feelings for over a year), and they very quickly showed me why I didn't want anything to do with them......again. I think there has to be a point where it's not okay to keep going back for another dose of pain. There just has to be a breaking point. The thing is, things have gotten so bad that I will not go around this person. They have hurt my whole family. I can't make decisions for my husband; he is a grown man and can make his own choices, but as for me and my daughter........this person will no longer be in our lives.
As I said before, this blog is for me. When I feel depressed or discouraged about the situation I will return to this blog and say, "Self....here is your peace. Here is the choice you have decided to make. You don't have to be depressed, discouraged, or feel guilty. You have thought this through logically and over a long period of time. It is okay to let it go." So, I'm going to try to let it go.....that will take some time. I just don't have room in my life for this crap any more. I just have room for love and goodwill.
I hope that anyone that does read this, that may be in a horrible situation but they're holding on through obligation, now feels that they can just let go of the bad. I hope everyone can draw that line in their life where they say, enough is just enough.
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Here we go again!
Today is CD 5, a.k.a. day 1 of Clomid. I was pretty dang busy this morning and almost forgot to take the dang pill! LOL! I mean you can take it any time of the day, but I like 10 am.....it's easier for me to remember stuff in the morning than at night. I didn't really notice any side effects so far. It was unusually hard to get the danged pill swallowed for some reason. It's a pretty small pill so not sure why. I think I have just been too busy with kiddos, school, and a side of drama to notice any symptoms. I'm a bit nervous about Clomid day 5 this cycle (well a lot), but more so because I will have a new kiddo starting on Mon. along with the 2 full-timers, plus my own kiddo. Whew! It's going to be busy busy! Maybe that will be a wonderful thing and not give me time to cry all day like I did last time though!
What I really wish I could blog about is the side of drama, but as it is not really my drama to share I won't. I will say I am really looking forward to my run tonight so that I can release some anger.
What I really wish I could blog about is the side of drama, but as it is not really my drama to share I won't. I will say I am really looking forward to my run tonight so that I can release some anger.
Sunday, January 23, 2011
CD 1
Hello CD1! Oddly enough you are one of my most hopeful days during the cycle. This day is full of hope. I guess it should be a depressing day since it also signals the last cycle was not successful, but I already knew that. Once I know a cycle has not been a success I just look forward to getting to try again. I always start with high hopes, and as weird as it may sound, look up all my important dates for when I get pregnant this cycle. Yes, I do this weird, obsessive thing every single time. I am very optimistic during my cycle until that day comes that I should get a positive but instead I get a negative. So....here are my dates! LOL! Writing them here will save me from having to research them regularly....I know....I sound crazy; I'm just very type A personality. I am a planner, what can I say.
Sun., Jan. 23: CD 1
Thurs., Jan. 27: CD 5, First day of Clomid
Mon., Jan. 31: CD 9, Last day of Clomid, YAY!!!!!!
Mon., Feb. 14: CD 23, Blood Test
Sun., March 6: 6wks - heart starts beating and is visible through u/s
Thurs., March 17: My birthday! 7 wks., 4 days
Sun., April 24: End of 1st trimester!!!
Thurs. April 28: My friend's baby boy is due and beginning of all V's little boy friends turning 2! 13 wks. 3 days
Sun., May 8: 15 wks, baby can see light
Sun., June 5: 19 wks, baby can hear and sounds and sex can be determined!!!
Sat., Jun 18: Wedding to go to, 20 wks, 6 days
Fri., July 15: Kevin's last birthday in his 20's and beach time! 24 wks, 5 days.
Sun., July 31: Baby can breathe and End of 2nd trimester and end of 2nd semester back at school! 27 wks
Sat., Aug. 6: Very special 1st b-day! 27 wks., 6 days
Sun., Oct. 9: Baby is full term! 37 wks.
Fri., Oct. 28: 4 yr. anniversary:-) 39 wks., 5 days
Sun., Oct. 30: 40 wks! Baby get out of my belly! LOL!
So, yes I know this seems crazy, but it makes me excited and I like to be excited and think positive. I like to know where I would be in a pregnancy for everything coming up in my life. I like to plan to achieve my goal. I've always wanted an Oct. baby....and I am not keen on a winter baby so it is going to happen this cycle. This is not stress talking.....this majorly awesome positive vibes talking:-) Oh..and new baby would be 15 wks. when little V turns 3.
Sun., Jan. 23: CD 1
Thurs., Jan. 27: CD 5, First day of Clomid
Mon., Jan. 31: CD 9, Last day of Clomid, YAY!!!!!!
Mon., Feb. 14: CD 23, Blood Test
Sun., March 6: 6wks - heart starts beating and is visible through u/s
Thurs., March 17: My birthday! 7 wks., 4 days
Sun., April 24: End of 1st trimester!!!
Thurs. April 28: My friend's baby boy is due and beginning of all V's little boy friends turning 2! 13 wks. 3 days
Sun., May 8: 15 wks, baby can see light
Sun., June 5: 19 wks, baby can hear and sounds and sex can be determined!!!
Sat., Jun 18: Wedding to go to, 20 wks, 6 days
Fri., July 15: Kevin's last birthday in his 20's and beach time! 24 wks, 5 days.
Sun., July 31: Baby can breathe and End of 2nd trimester and end of 2nd semester back at school! 27 wks
Sat., Aug. 6: Very special 1st b-day! 27 wks., 6 days
Sun., Oct. 9: Baby is full term! 37 wks.
Fri., Oct. 28: 4 yr. anniversary:-) 39 wks., 5 days
Sun., Oct. 30: 40 wks! Baby get out of my belly! LOL!
So, yes I know this seems crazy, but it makes me excited and I like to be excited and think positive. I like to know where I would be in a pregnancy for everything coming up in my life. I like to plan to achieve my goal. I've always wanted an Oct. baby....and I am not keen on a winter baby so it is going to happen this cycle. This is not stress talking.....this majorly awesome positive vibes talking:-) Oh..and new baby would be 15 wks. when little V turns 3.
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Blah
Ugh...I have no will power. I peed on that stupid stick this a.m. and surprise, surprise....it was a BFN! This is so freakin' depressing! Other than a BFN, now I get to stress about the havoc that damn Clomid is going to put me through again. AWESOME........not! I just don't know how much longer I can take this.....maybe it really is time for a break.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Fighting the urge to pee on a stick
Blah! I hate this wait time. I am trying extra hard to not waste my last pregnancy test. I bought a 3 pack last month (after using a 2 pack) and only used 1. I had 2 left, and wouldn't you know I totally wasted one like a week ago just to see if it might be positive. It was WAY too early for it to show any results. I don't know what is wrong with me, but I comfort myself because it is common among women who have been trying, and trying, and trying to get preggo. Anyway....I have 1 test left now. I just had that blood test.....the NEGATIVE one, on Monday so you'd think it would be easy for me to not want to pee on a stick. Not so. I had it laying on the counter so I'd remember it this morning. Thank goodness I came to my senses and didn't use it. The sad part is I just can't handle seeing another negative. It is the most depressing thing ever. I can handle getting my period and hearing my blood test was negative way better than seeing only 1 line pop up on that stupid HPT. I am on CD 26 and I should start anytime between CD 27-32, but on average I start on CD 29 (a.k.a. in 3 days). If I don't start by CD 32 I will go back to the doc and get another blood test. As much as I HATE getting my blood taken....it's so much easier on my mentality. All that being said.....I will probably end up peeing on the damned stick because it always happens!! UGH!!
On a MUCH happier note.......My sweet little V has all of a sudden, as in the 2 days, started putting 2 words together regularly. Things like:
a sheep
I pee
I poop
Apple Jacks
all done
Nana's juice
baby's diaper
Anyway.....it's awesome!! I loves it! My little girl is just getting better and better at expressing herself. I am starting to have a little more hope that she will get 3 words strung together by her birthday:) Oh! This is totally random, but I think I am going to start working on night time potty training. Her diaper is always full as can be in the morning, but kid has started taking her own diaper off in the morning.....one morning she even took it off and pooped in the floor (thank goodness hubby was on baby detail and I was snug as a bug in rug in my comfy bed). Obviously she has decided she's not digging the diaper at night anymore. Problem is she drinks a ton before bed every night. I'm going to have to just fight her on that and not give her anything to drink like 2 hrs. before bed and see how it goes. And, I am going to put a potty in her room since we close her bedroom door. I'm pretty scared at this prospect, but it seems like the best option.
On a MUCH happier note.......My sweet little V has all of a sudden, as in the 2 days, started putting 2 words together regularly. Things like:
a sheep
I pee
I poop
Apple Jacks
all done
Nana's juice
baby's diaper
Anyway.....it's awesome!! I loves it! My little girl is just getting better and better at expressing herself. I am starting to have a little more hope that she will get 3 words strung together by her birthday:) Oh! This is totally random, but I think I am going to start working on night time potty training. Her diaper is always full as can be in the morning, but kid has started taking her own diaper off in the morning.....one morning she even took it off and pooped in the floor (thank goodness hubby was on baby detail and I was snug as a bug in rug in my comfy bed). Obviously she has decided she's not digging the diaper at night anymore. Problem is she drinks a ton before bed every night. I'm going to have to just fight her on that and not give her anything to drink like 2 hrs. before bed and see how it goes. And, I am going to put a potty in her room since we close her bedroom door. I'm pretty scared at this prospect, but it seems like the best option.
Monday, January 17, 2011
Half Good.....other half was half bad:(
I went in this morning and got my blood work done and the nurse has already called me back with results! Yes, she totally rocks and I love her:) I definitely ovulated and that is really good news. The half bad was that the pregnancy test came back negative:( The nurse did tell me that it is still pretty early in my cycle so if I don't start by cycle day 29-30 to go ahead and come back in to recheck. I'm on cycle day 23 right now so if I don't start by one week from today I am going to head back in on Tue. It is getting a bit harder though because next week I start watching another kiddo (well, actually 2, but 1 is only on Mondays), and her Mommy doesn't want me to drive any where with her for now. I'm still going to hang on to some hope for now.
Friday, January 14, 2011
My how much you've grown!
So, today is Friday and I go for tests on Monday and hopefully will hear some news (good news please) on Tuesday! It's getting close!!! I've had some major nausea and cramps. The anxiety is getting better. A few things in life changed to help and I just try to realize it for what is and work past it. Blah, blah, blah......that's where all that stands.
Now, for the good stuff! My sweet little girl has started saying the funniest things=) Well, it's really how she interprets things really I guess. She said "hold you" when she wants to be held because I ask her, "Do you want me to hold you?" Apparently her favorite word these days is "backterds" ,a.k.a. backwards; absolutely everything is "backterds." I'm curious how many words she knows and so here's a list....that I'll probably add to as I think of more. Thing is she can pretty much say anything you ask her to so it really does change regularly.
cold (told)
night night
love you
eye
poop
pee pee
night night
no
yes
chair
bear
cow
sheep
snake
pig
hay
windmill (mendmill)
backwards (backterds)
hot
door
close
zipper
dog
kitty
sock
shoe
shirt
cheese
bread
biscuit
turkey
cracker
oatmeal (momeal)
yogurt (o-gurt)
two
nine
ten
baby
paci
bottle
diaper...sometimes diappy
juice
milk
more
eat
cheerio (cheer cho)
spoon (poon)
fork
Mommy
Daddy
Nonna
Poppi (but she has decided he should be called Papaws)
Papaw
GG
Mamaw
Popa
Pappy
Addy
Hayden (Hay en)
Rylan (Ry en)
up
down
elbow (belbow)
shoulder
head
butt
belly
nose
hair
hair clip
mouth
teeth (teef)
knee
mean
happy
sad
scared
mouse
brave
clean
dirty
bee
monkey (mumee)
horse
purple
pink (sometimes she just decides everything is pink! LOL!)
green
blue
red
black
white (ight)
light
miles
go
run
hello
phone
block
uh oh
step
bubble
balloon (ba-oon)
lion
please (peas)
thank you (ank ew)
excuse me (scuse me)
colors (coloring)
water
sippy
boobie
Jesus
trash
this
grinch
blanket
jacket
hat
slide
ball
coffee
back
drink
mess
bath
bed
help
hurt
boo boo
hot dog (ot dog)
chicken
tractor
carseat
frog
Only a couple of sentences....and I use that term lightly.
love you (ove ew)
I poop and sometimes it's I poop diappy
whew....I guess she knows A LOT more than I realized. I think I messed up counting in there, but around 133! Man....she has come a very long ways! My kid is not the best talker and magically started saying a ton over vacay back in July. Before we went she could only say about 5 words; when we got back it was around 30 (she was 17 months), and now we're over 100 and she's almost 23 months. She can say more than this list. You know how it goes.....you forget half the things you meant to write down. She is just growing a ton and can follow commands great! She puts her plate/utensils/sippy in the sink. She call's herself "ta ta" and points at herself in the mirror or in pictures. She know's who's stuff is who's; i.e. Mommy's, Daddy's, Papaw's (which I guess this is why she has decided to call her poppi Papaws). She knows a ton of animals and their sounds and even what some make (i.e., milk, eggs). She knows a lot of basic colors and she knows a ton of body parts. She can't count to 10 or say her ABC's (she trying on that one), but she is so advanced in other areas I'm just not going to stress about it too much. She is the most wonderful gift from God and I just hope she always knows how much I adore her.
Now, for the good stuff! My sweet little girl has started saying the funniest things=) Well, it's really how she interprets things really I guess. She said "hold you" when she wants to be held because I ask her, "Do you want me to hold you?" Apparently her favorite word these days is "backterds" ,a.k.a. backwards; absolutely everything is "backterds." I'm curious how many words she knows and so here's a list....that I'll probably add to as I think of more. Thing is she can pretty much say anything you ask her to so it really does change regularly.
cold (told)
night night
love you
eye
poop
pee pee
night night
no
yes
chair
bear
cow
sheep
snake
pig
hay
windmill (mendmill)
backwards (backterds)
hot
door
close
zipper
dog
kitty
sock
shoe
shirt
cheese
bread
biscuit
turkey
cracker
oatmeal (momeal)
yogurt (o-gurt)
two
nine
ten
baby
paci
bottle
diaper...sometimes diappy
juice
milk
more
eat
cheerio (cheer cho)
spoon (poon)
fork
Mommy
Daddy
Nonna
Poppi (but she has decided he should be called Papaws)
Papaw
GG
Mamaw
Popa
Pappy
Addy
Hayden (Hay en)
Rylan (Ry en)
up
down
elbow (belbow)
shoulder
head
butt
belly
nose
hair
hair clip
mouth
teeth (teef)
knee
mean
happy
sad
scared
mouse
brave
clean
dirty
bee
monkey (mumee)
horse
purple
pink (sometimes she just decides everything is pink! LOL!)
green
blue
red
black
white (ight)
light
miles
go
run
hello
phone
block
uh oh
step
bubble
balloon (ba-oon)
lion
please (peas)
thank you (ank ew)
excuse me (scuse me)
colors (coloring)
water
sippy
boobie
Jesus
trash
this
grinch
blanket
jacket
hat
slide
ball
coffee
back
drink
mess
bath
bed
help
hurt
boo boo
hot dog (ot dog)
chicken
tractor
carseat
frog
Only a couple of sentences....and I use that term lightly.
love you (ove ew)
I poop and sometimes it's I poop diappy
whew....I guess she knows A LOT more than I realized. I think I messed up counting in there, but around 133! Man....she has come a very long ways! My kid is not the best talker and magically started saying a ton over vacay back in July. Before we went she could only say about 5 words; when we got back it was around 30 (she was 17 months), and now we're over 100 and she's almost 23 months. She can say more than this list. You know how it goes.....you forget half the things you meant to write down. She is just growing a ton and can follow commands great! She puts her plate/utensils/sippy in the sink. She call's herself "ta ta" and points at herself in the mirror or in pictures. She know's who's stuff is who's; i.e. Mommy's, Daddy's, Papaw's (which I guess this is why she has decided to call her poppi Papaws). She knows a ton of animals and their sounds and even what some make (i.e., milk, eggs). She knows a lot of basic colors and she knows a ton of body parts. She can't count to 10 or say her ABC's (she trying on that one), but she is so advanced in other areas I'm just not going to stress about it too much. She is the most wonderful gift from God and I just hope she always knows how much I adore her.
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Ovulating
I have been able to tell when I ovulate for a little while now. It started after Victoria was born, but not sure when. I have some pain on the right side of my pelvis and so I took an OPK and sure enough I was ovulating! Well, it's ALWAYS been in my right side.....every month. Today, I feel the pain on BOTH sides so I am really hoping that is a good sign!!! I'm pretty excited!!! I don't know if I was only ovulating every other month since you're supposed to alternate sides the egg is released, or if I just really have a mature egg released from the right side every month. I feel it a bit more in the left side than the right this month, but still feel it in both sides. I do hate to get my hopes up that we will have a successful first month, but how do you not get your hopes up? I am also hoping for twins so if an egg was released from both sides.....Woohoo!!!!!
I have also noticed that intercourse is quite a bit more painful during ovulation which makes getting pregnant a little more difficult. I don't really want to bd those days because I am so sensitive. I have blood work done a week from tomorrow so hopefully in about 9 days now I will know if 1) I am ovulating for sure (even though I am pretty sure I am since the OPK says so), and 2) If we are pregnant!!!! I am not so sure there will be anymore updates before now and then. If there are then it will probably be a letter to my sweet baby girl because I have been reminded lately that I need to document the sweet things she says because in a couple of years I will probably not remember. This is so sad but true.
Oh! and as a side note......this has got to be due to the Clomid, but I have lost my sweet tooth!!!! Praise the Lord! Anyone that knows me knows it's all I can do to not eat an entire pan of brownies in one sitting (you can substitute anything there BTW...such as package of oreos or lava cake)! I went to eat a package of Zebra cakes the other day and so could not eat the second one.....just way too sweet. I cannot believe these words are coming out of my fingers!!!!! I LOVE that I have lost my sweet tooth! I have no desire for anything sweet to be in my mouth. The MOST I can handle is like a bite of a chocolate bar. I just want to wash my mouth out after any sweets. This is really helping me knock off those 13 lbs. I gained after I stopped training for my marathon last year. 9 down, 4 to go!
I have also noticed that intercourse is quite a bit more painful during ovulation which makes getting pregnant a little more difficult. I don't really want to bd those days because I am so sensitive. I have blood work done a week from tomorrow so hopefully in about 9 days now I will know if 1) I am ovulating for sure (even though I am pretty sure I am since the OPK says so), and 2) If we are pregnant!!!! I am not so sure there will be anymore updates before now and then. If there are then it will probably be a letter to my sweet baby girl because I have been reminded lately that I need to document the sweet things she says because in a couple of years I will probably not remember. This is so sad but true.
Oh! and as a side note......this has got to be due to the Clomid, but I have lost my sweet tooth!!!! Praise the Lord! Anyone that knows me knows it's all I can do to not eat an entire pan of brownies in one sitting (you can substitute anything there BTW...such as package of oreos or lava cake)! I went to eat a package of Zebra cakes the other day and so could not eat the second one.....just way too sweet. I cannot believe these words are coming out of my fingers!!!!! I LOVE that I have lost my sweet tooth! I have no desire for anything sweet to be in my mouth. The MOST I can handle is like a bite of a chocolate bar. I just want to wash my mouth out after any sweets. This is really helping me knock off those 13 lbs. I gained after I stopped training for my marathon last year. 9 down, 4 to go!
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Quit crying about your baby growing up
This is what I have to tell myself regularly. I am definitely that Mommy who wants her babies to be actual infants forever. It's not a good quality. I know I need to suck it up and deal with it. Part of being a good Mom is letting your children grow and develop into the wonderful people they are destined to be. I've let myself miss my baby being a baby for a long time now. I mean truefully she is still just a baby and she will always be my baby. Isn't that what all moms say? LOL!
Well, today when I was looking back on some videos of her first year I finally realized that I need to stop crying about my baby growing up. I LOVED the infant stage, but if I keep crying over the past I am going to miss the present. I realized she is still so little and has so much growing still to do and while it's okay to look back and kinda miss those time every once in a while I have to stop doing it regularly. I have to stop wishing for her to be a baby again. Right now is wonderful and I really need to cherish now just as much as I cherished then. There are a lot of things that have changed in my life over the past year that contribute to this feeling, but lately I have had an overwhelming feeling of......I miss my life last year. I was so happy. Well, I was on unemployment, so I was getting paid for being a SAHM and that is all I absolutely HAD to focus on. I was looking for a job, just not very hard. I didn't want to go back to work. I wanted to stay home with my baby forever. I am her mommy and I was not going to pay someone else to raise her. Well, I did go back to work last April.....and then quit to stay home again. Well, seeing as I don't get "free money" anymore I work long hours, really long hours, taking care of other children so I can stay home with my baby. That's a little stressful at times especially when other children are being mean to my baby, or destroying her toys, etc. I've thought about going back to work and if I could make enough working part time I would for sure because I feel like Victoria needs some time with kids her own age and away from Mommy (the kids I watch are ALL younger). I wonder sometimes if my selfish "I miss my baby being a baby" feelings is what fueled me to quit work and therefore do a disservice to my child by keeping her out of a productive learning environment.
This is what I love about her current toddler stage......
She is talking a lot more and can interact with me. She kisses all over me and hugs me when she wants to and not just because I ask. She can pee and poop in the potty! She can eat by herself (even though she still regularly asks for help). She can ask for help. She can tell me when she hurt herself and what she hurt. She is a little person running and playing all over the place:) She has such a a personality right now! She thinks she is sooooo funny (which she really is) and she glares at me when she is mad which oddly enough I even love that. I love the fact that she is turning into her own person.
Well, today when I was looking back on some videos of her first year I finally realized that I need to stop crying about my baby growing up. I LOVED the infant stage, but if I keep crying over the past I am going to miss the present. I realized she is still so little and has so much growing still to do and while it's okay to look back and kinda miss those time every once in a while I have to stop doing it regularly. I have to stop wishing for her to be a baby again. Right now is wonderful and I really need to cherish now just as much as I cherished then. There are a lot of things that have changed in my life over the past year that contribute to this feeling, but lately I have had an overwhelming feeling of......I miss my life last year. I was so happy. Well, I was on unemployment, so I was getting paid for being a SAHM and that is all I absolutely HAD to focus on. I was looking for a job, just not very hard. I didn't want to go back to work. I wanted to stay home with my baby forever. I am her mommy and I was not going to pay someone else to raise her. Well, I did go back to work last April.....and then quit to stay home again. Well, seeing as I don't get "free money" anymore I work long hours, really long hours, taking care of other children so I can stay home with my baby. That's a little stressful at times especially when other children are being mean to my baby, or destroying her toys, etc. I've thought about going back to work and if I could make enough working part time I would for sure because I feel like Victoria needs some time with kids her own age and away from Mommy (the kids I watch are ALL younger). I wonder sometimes if my selfish "I miss my baby being a baby" feelings is what fueled me to quit work and therefore do a disservice to my child by keeping her out of a productive learning environment.
This is what I love about her current toddler stage......
She is talking a lot more and can interact with me. She kisses all over me and hugs me when she wants to and not just because I ask. She can pee and poop in the potty! She can eat by herself (even though she still regularly asks for help). She can ask for help. She can tell me when she hurt herself and what she hurt. She is a little person running and playing all over the place:) She has such a a personality right now! She thinks she is sooooo funny (which she really is) and she glares at me when she is mad which oddly enough I even love that. I love the fact that she is turning into her own person.
Monday, January 3, 2011
Day 5 a.k.a. last day of Clomid
Holy cow!!! Emotions are seriously going all kinds of crazy. I think I have been having quite a few side effects that I blamed on other things (period, cold, etc.). So, as I was saying emotions are going more than crazy!!! I mean I am prone to depression, anxiety, and panic attacks so that probably has a lot to do with it as well, but I have spent my day crying. Here's what I'm stressing about all of a sudden. Am I a bad mom? I can't believe we are trying to have another baby when I am such a bad mom. Why did I quit my job to stay home? What was I thinking!?!? How are we going to pay bills? I have to go back to work. I can't work full time because then I'd miss my baby way too much.
On top of all that, for the very first time I feel a little disconnected from Victoria. I just wanted to hold her and nap with her today, but once I laid down with her I just couldn't lay there with her. I just feel like running away. I actually got the feeling today that I would never be happy again. That was pretty awful. I am feeling a little better now and I all I can say is Wooooo Hoooo for the last day of Clomid! Maybe now my hormones can return a little to normal.
Other side effects have been one heck of a headache EVERY day:( No fun there. Loss of appetite and nausea. Hot flashes and dizziness. I am sure there are more, but these have been mild and not too awful.
On top of all that, for the very first time I feel a little disconnected from Victoria. I just wanted to hold her and nap with her today, but once I laid down with her I just couldn't lay there with her. I just feel like running away. I actually got the feeling today that I would never be happy again. That was pretty awful. I am feeling a little better now and I all I can say is Wooooo Hoooo for the last day of Clomid! Maybe now my hormones can return a little to normal.
Other side effects have been one heck of a headache EVERY day:( No fun there. Loss of appetite and nausea. Hot flashes and dizziness. I am sure there are more, but these have been mild and not too awful.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Day 3
Yesterday and today have been pretty good symptom wise. I think I may get a little more nausea than normal, but for some reason I have been getting nausea anyway the last several months. 2 more days of pills and only 16 days until I have to go back to get some more blood work to make sure that I ovulated and to test for pregnancy!!! It is so odd to think that I don't even ovulate for a week, when the 2 week wait normally starts, yet I'm just over 2 weeks away from knowing if this cycle is a successful one or not!
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