Monday, January 3, 2011

Day 5 a.k.a. last day of Clomid

Holy cow!!! Emotions are seriously going all kinds of crazy. I think I have been having quite a few side effects that I blamed on other things (period, cold, etc.). So, as I was saying emotions are going more than crazy!!! I mean I am prone to depression, anxiety, and panic attacks so that probably has a lot to do with it as well, but I have spent my day crying. Here's what I'm stressing about all of a sudden. Am I a bad mom? I can't believe we are trying to have another baby when I am such a bad mom. Why did I quit my job to stay home? What was I thinking!?!? How are we going to pay bills? I have to go back to work. I can't work full time because then I'd miss my baby way too much.

On top of all that, for the very first time I feel a little disconnected from Victoria. I just wanted to hold her and nap with her today, but once I laid down with her I just couldn't lay there with her. I just feel like running away. I actually got the feeling today that I would never be happy again. That was pretty awful. I am feeling a little better now and I all I can say is Wooooo Hoooo for the last day of Clomid! Maybe now my hormones can return a little to normal.

Other side effects have been one heck of a headache EVERY day:( No fun there. Loss of appetite and nausea. Hot flashes and dizziness. I am sure there are more, but these have been mild and not too awful.

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