Sometimes we don't get what we want

This pregnancy has definitely been a roller coaster. Sometimes I forget how difficult it was to actually get pregnant and I feel sorry for myself over little things. When I felt nauseous for the first 30 something weeks that was definitely a toll. I felt horrible about being upset about it, but really there is only so much one can take. I have had a lot more water retention, constipation, heart burn, pain, tiredness, moodiness.....basically more EVERYTHING this go around than I did with Victoria. Now that I am in my last 12 days I'm starting to get sad. I don't sleep well at night anymore.....I'm just not comfortable. I have to literally roll out of bed when I want to get up. I have to scoot to the front of a seat and push myself up. I have to do squats to pick stuff up. On the flip side I will definitely miss feeling her squirming inside of me. I feel way more with this one than I did with Victoria and I enjoy it. I love watching her make my whole belly move.

I can't wait to meet Miss Emily. What will she look like? Will she look like Victoria? What will her personality be like? We are unsure if we will have a 3rd though so this is kind of bittersweet for me. I actually have not let myself think that it is my last or I would probably cry everyday. No matter how horrible I feel some days I love the miracle of life growing inside of me. If we do have a third it will be 3-4 years down the road. I just can't imagine this being my last go around.

With Victoria and with Emily I wanted a natural, unmedicated birth. With Victoria my OB was going to be out of town the week of my due date and I was so scared of delivering with another doctor I decided to be induced and that is something I regret on a pretty regular basis. I never progressed past 7 and I think that is because I was trying to force my body do something it just wasn't ready for (even though I was 3 cm. and completely effaced by the time I got induced). I ended up with a c-section. I felt like a failure. This time was going to be different. I was just going to wait it out. Well....this time is different. This time I don't have a choice. My baby is breech and despite my best efforts she is not budging. It has been hard to come to terms with. I will say I feel blessed for knowing from 28 wks. that she is breech. I think I would have had a lot harder of a time if she had flipped at 38 or 39 weeks and all my dreams of a natural birth came crashing down. I have to trust that God and Emily know what they're doing....maybe the cord is around her....maybe I actually don't have a very well shaped pelvis or uterus and Emily is best how she is. With Victoria the doctor told me I had a small pelvis or a big baby and Victoria was 7lbs. 2 oz. By looking at me you would never think I had a small pelvis but how big you are on the outside does not influence how big or small your pelvis is.

Anyway,I hoped, I prayed, I tried everything else out there to get my baby to flip but it does not seem to be in the cards. I will be scheduled for a repeat c-section. Sometimes we just don't get what we want. It's hard for me knowing that so many women out there that don't really want to experience birth get to and I don't, but I do get to have a baby and for that I am thankful. Sometimes I forget to look at the bigger picture.....I complain about the little things when really I should be praising God that I have been blessed with this little miracle and in the long run I guess it doesn't matter how she gets here. Maybe if we do have a third I will get my natural birth, maybe I won't, but maybe it doesn't really matter.

Abingdon, VA

The hubs and I always go somewhere for our wedding anniversary. This year we celebrated our 4th anniversary in Abingdon, VA. It was BEAUTIFUL!!!! We got married on 10-28 and for some reason we pretty much always celebrate the weekend before. Fall is usually really showing off at this point and this year I think was the most beautiful yet! There is a bike trail in Abingdon that is called the VA Creeper Trail and I wanted to go on it sooooo bad!!! It is pretty long but it is supposed to be pretty easy. Well, considering I was 34 weeks preggo at the time I was told no by my doctor. It was actually a pretty sad thing.......I forgot to ask the doctor at my appointment around 30 weeks so I called the nurse to ask her and she said no because I might fall. Well, I had been so looking forward to it that in my crazy hormonal state it was all I could do to not start bawling my eyes out right there on the phone with her. I held it in though and looked at other options and VIOLA! I could ride a trike bike instead. Umm....not so much.....the doctor nixed this idea by saying that with the road being bumpy and the repetitive motion over such a long time could possibly cause placental abrubtion. That's all I needed to hear.....it was a no go. We had fun anyway and we will definitely be going back to ride that trail! We actually stayed in Bristol and I enjoyed the area we stayed in because it was around so much food...not so crazy about the hotel. We stayed at Holiday Inn Bristol Conference Center.....I got a great deal on Priceline, BUT housekeeping never came....they messed up our room service order and never fixed it, they didn't have coffee (how is this even possible), and you could hear a ton of traffic since it was right on the interstate. We drove up to Abingdon (which took like 15 min.) the next day (Sat.) and went Abingdon Winery which has the best wine I have ever tasted (yes, I did the wine tasting even though I'm pregnant). It is so light and it was a great price. The winery was so beautiful!!

I'm not gonna lie.....we totally passed that little sign and had a heck of a time finding this place.

This is the view if you wanted to sit on their little patio and eat...we didn't but it was nice.

We took a tour......and why yes....that whale looking thing is me. LOL!

We ate lunch at Pop Ellis Soda Shoppe & Grill.....I would recommend eating inside because our server kept forgetting about us outside. I didn't really care because we weren't in a hurry and it was beautiful. We found out while we were there that President Obama has eaten there and that was pretty cool even if I'm not his biggest fan. Sadly this is the only photo I thought to take of that place. The food was super yummy and decor inside was pretty interesting.

Then we toured the Fields-Penn House Museum (it's free) and we really loved that house! It had such high ceilings! I also loved all the antique strollers and such along with these rods on the runner on the stairs.

We just kept walking down Main St. and passed the Barter Theater and went down and checked out the entrance/exit to the Creeper Trail.

It was a great trip and we so cannot wait to go back!!! We will probably actually stay in Abingdon next time, but maybe not because of the great food choices around us last time. We'll see. We probably can't make it back next year since I'll be doing student teaching (hopefully) and we are going to be way too broke to be spending money on trips...but maybe in 2 years:)

36 weeks 4 days

I haven't done an updated picture in a while so since I was thinking about it while the hubs was home and awake I had him take a picture. These events rarely coincide anymore which would be why I have not updated the picture in almost 5 weeks. I was going to just wait until 37 weeks but chances were slim it would actually get done so here is this one. I'm feeling good. Nausea is generally not there (again) and I'm not too gosh awful tired. I don't have a burst energy or anything (although that would be nice). It's awkward getting around and I have started having to think about not only can I park my car in that spot but can I get out once I do manage to park (I'm not a very good parker.....or at backing out). I have actually had to find another spot twice because I couldn't get out of the car. Nice. I feel like I am as big as I was when I delivered Victoria AND I'm thinking I'm going to be going PAST my EDD this time. If the doctor will let me the repeat c-section will be scheduled for 12/7 so that is 10 days past the EDD. Hopefully my stubborn little girl will decide to turn around and come out before then but if not I'm pretty sure my papaw will appreciate the birthday present:) I have gained 31 lbs. which is just AWESOME.....or not. I gained 4 in 2 wks. a little while back and for the last 3 it's leveled off pretty well. They say most women don't gain anymore at the very end so let's hope that is true. I would have liked to gain less than I did with Victoria but honestly as long as I stay in the 25-35 lbs. recommended I am good. So here's me at 175 (EEK)....

Breech Baby

So, Miss Emily is still breech. I'm 36 weeks and chances of her flipping at this point are pretty slim. Yesterday I went to a chiropractor/acupuncturist to see if that route would work. He stuck 1 pin in each of my little toes. She's still not flipped.Today I'm going back and we are going to try the Webster's Technique. I wasn't so excited about spending money on that, but I figure we will be spending a lot more paying for a c-section so it was worth a shot.

I'm feeling pretty defeated at this point. I had not allowed myself to feel down about it until yesterday because my doctor will do external cephalic version to turn the baby himself. Well, he will BUT you have to have at least a "good" amniotic fluid index and mine is not; 8-18 is the range of normal and mines 8.4. Go figure! Yesterday I was told no version and I needed to get on the books for a repeat c-section. My world felt like it was crumbling around me. All I want is a nice normal non-medicated birth. Is that asking too much? I didn't get it with my first and it looked like I wouldn't be getting it this go around either. I felt like I should be crying because honestly I was devastated.....I think I was just past the point of crying over it though. I got a little teary a couple of times, but never really broke down over it. I was really struggling with when to schedule this c-section for...I still am kind of. The doctor will for sure do at least 1 more ultrasound before the c-section because he wants me to be happy with the birth and all. I was just going to go ahead and schedule it for 11/19....that way we could be out by Thanksgiving. Well, I have decided against that. I feel like rushing things with Victoria is what got me a c-section with her in the first place. This time I will just be patient. I am going to schedule the repeat c-section for the absolute last day I can which I *think* is 12/9 (almost 3 weeks after that first date mentioned). Do I think I will be miserable? Yes. Do I think that I will always regret not giving Emily every chance to flip otherwise? Yes. So, no, I don't want to go past my due date by any means, no mother does, but I will because some babies will flip during labor. Honestly if she doesn't flip before labor I am 100% hoping to go into labor on my own and dealing with it from there.

Oh, and just f.y.i I have definitely checked out Spinningbabies.com (and have done those exercises) and I have done the ice pack, music, shining light, laying upside down, accupuncture, and today I am getting the Webster Technique performed. Whew!

It suddenly dawned on me today what I have not done is what I should have done first. I have been thinking there is something I can do to control this whole situation. I have control issues. It's hard for me to realize I can't control everything and really what I need to do is "let go and let God." I have to remind myself of this often. Life is scary sometimes and I worry a lot, but I have to let it go. Worry is me not trusting in God and I can't be having that.