This is what I have to tell myself regularly. I am definitely that Mommy who wants her babies to be actual infants forever. It's not a good quality. I know I need to suck it up and deal with it. Part of being a good Mom is letting your children grow and develop into the wonderful people they are destined to be. I've let myself miss my baby being a baby for a long time now. I mean truefully she is still just a baby and she will always be my baby. Isn't that what all moms say? LOL!
Well, today when I was looking back on some videos of her first year I finally realized that I need to stop crying about my baby growing up. I LOVED the infant stage, but if I keep crying over the past I am going to miss the present. I realized she is still so little and has so much growing still to do and while it's okay to look back and kinda miss those time every once in a while I have to stop doing it regularly. I have to stop wishing for her to be a baby again. Right now is wonderful and I really need to cherish now just as much as I cherished then. There are a lot of things that have changed in my life over the past year that contribute to this feeling, but lately I have had an overwhelming feeling of......I miss my life last year. I was so happy. Well, I was on unemployment, so I was getting paid for being a SAHM and that is all I absolutely HAD to focus on. I was looking for a job, just not very hard. I didn't want to go back to work. I wanted to stay home with my baby forever. I am her mommy and I was not going to pay someone else to raise her. Well, I did go back to work last April.....and then quit to stay home again. Well, seeing as I don't get "free money" anymore I work long hours, really long hours, taking care of other children so I can stay home with my baby. That's a little stressful at times especially when other children are being mean to my baby, or destroying her toys, etc. I've thought about going back to work and if I could make enough working part time I would for sure because I feel like Victoria needs some time with kids her own age and away from Mommy (the kids I watch are ALL younger). I wonder sometimes if my selfish "I miss my baby being a baby" feelings is what fueled me to quit work and therefore do a disservice to my child by keeping her out of a productive learning environment.
This is what I love about her current toddler stage......
She is talking a lot more and can interact with me. She kisses all over me and hugs me when she wants to and not just because I ask. She can pee and poop in the potty! She can eat by herself (even though she still regularly asks for help). She can ask for help. She can tell me when she hurt herself and what she hurt. She is a little person running and playing all over the place:) She has such a a personality right now! She thinks she is sooooo funny (which she really is) and she glares at me when she is mad which oddly enough I even love that. I love the fact that she is turning into her own person.
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